


Applied Calisthenics

by candlejill



Series: Afterschool Special [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Carl Grimes, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealous Carl Grimes, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Murder Husbands, Rimming, Top Negan (Walking Dead)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:26:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22063990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candlejill/pseuds/candlejill
Summary: Carl made it through his senior year of high school but just as he began to feel confident about his relationship with Negan a new threat emerged.AU - Now With Zombies!
Relationships: Carl Grimes/Negan
Series: Afterschool Special [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588048
Comments: 123
Kudos: 211





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again!

He was with Negan when it happened.

Practicing throwing darts in the garage, flirting openly. So different from anytime before. Negan held no reservations when he crowded up behind him now, rubbing against his ass, holding onto his hips, moving them suggestively to try to make Carl miss his target. 

He didn’t.

And he could thank Negan for that, too.

“I think I found another one,” Carl spoke confidently. Negan’s hands roamed dangerously over the front pockets of his jeans, not so absently wandering inwards. Carl knew he was trying to tease him but he continued, “Farther out this time.”

The scruff of Negan’s beard scratched his cheek and his voice vibrated low next to his ear, “Fuck you, kid. I just got out of jail. Give me more than a couple days before you land my ass back in there.”

Smiling, Carl pushed back against him gently, “But you _are_ still interested?”

“Interested in _something,”_ Negan rubbed his dick against Carl’s ass again.

Carl couldn’t believe how easy it all was. He laughed, pushing back, feeling Negan growing firm against him.

It was nearing dusk when they heard it. The groan was eerily out of place. Both stopped laughing, letting their echos die in the dusty garage as they watched as it approached a neighbor in the street. Arms reaching out, teeth gnawing as it ripped his intestines from his body. 

Carl froze, and his arms fell limply to his side, not quite understanding what he had witnessed. 

“What the fuck?” Negan spoke their mutual unsettling confusion into the quickly darkening night.

The figure turned towards them, covered in blood, and began shuffling in their direction.

“Did he just-” Carl couldn’t comprehend it, but Negan’s neighbor was now collapsed in blood in the road. Guts spilled and unmoving.

Negan quickly backed away from Carl and walked to the side of his garage, reaching for his baseball bat. Strutting confidently towards the quickly advancing person, he called out as he twirled the bat, “Get the fuck off my property before I-” He stopped suddenly, “What the fuck?”

Carl moved to get a better view and saw the monstrosity. Gnarled jaw hanging oddly, skin deteriorated and sallow, covered in blood and it was biting the air in Negan’s direction. Carl walked closer, carefully stepping to the side away from it, just as the thing lurched at Negan.

By instinct, Negan swung the bat hard, colliding with its head. A familiar motion to Carl at this point, but so disturbing against this unnatural target. It dropped to the ground where Negan gave another forceful swing. 

Hard wood collapsed the brittle skull and it stopped moving.

They both looked to the road where they heard groaning once again. 

Carl walked past Negan with a racing heart toward the man in the road. “He’s still alive! I’m calling 911!” He called out as he reached for his phone, quickly dialing. 

Negan jogged next to him as they rushed together to the injured man.

The busy tone on the other end of the line concerned Carl but before he could mention it Negan interrupted, “What the fuck is this?”

He could see clearer, the man shouldn’t be alive, he was nearly torn in two. His eyes were chalky but he was scratching toward them, fingers pulling desperately at the asphalt that looked like a twisted cry for help.

“Are you getting through?” Negan asked.

“Lines are busy.”

“Try again,” he ordered. “But let’s go inside. I don’t know what the fuck is going on but I don’t want to be out here.”

Carl cleared out of the call and just as he was about to dial again, his phone rang. 

“Dad, what’s going? I just tried to-”

“You need to get home. Now, Carl. This is not a debate.”

“Dad! This guy came from nowhere and tried to attack-”

“I know. It’s happening all over. Listen to me. You need to get home. _Now._ ” His voice, though commanding, sounded fearful.

“Gimme your phone,” Negan pulled it out of his hand and Carl gave no objection. 

He looked back to the shredded body in the road. That thing- that dead walking _thing_ did that from nowhere.

“Rick?” Negan spoke clearly, “What the fuck is-”

Carl crouched closer to inspect him. The man was clearly dead, but its body was twitching and winding, and how the hell could it move?

“Get the fuck away from it, Carl!” Negan’s voice boomed. “We’re coming now,” he spoke into the phone. Hanging up, he handed it back. “We’re grabbing some shit and going to your house.”

“What? Why?” Carl asked but followed behind Negan. 

“Rick says some fucked up shit is going down and I believe him.”

It didn’t take long for Negan to collect some items, personal and practical. They loaded his truck and left his house, backing over both bodies as they left.

* * *

From what he could tell it had been over a month since it started; the end of the goddamn world. 

No matter how many days had passed, the terror they felt at the moaning and scratching at the door and walls and windows would never become normal. 

Carl couldn’t sleep anymore. No one could, being on constant alert waiting for the next bombardment of walkers. He stared at the dark ceiling, only a candle flickering in the corner, no more electricity, as he lay on his bed listening to the tense hushed voices from the living room.

They stopped. And footsteps were soon heard approaching his door. When it opened Carl was relieved to find Negan on the other side. He sat up and swung his legs over his bed as Negan gently closed the door behind him.

“He thinks we need to leave town.”

“What do you think?” Carl whispered into the dark. 

“I don’t know a goddamn thing about the hell outside. But supplies are running low and if we don’t do something soon the risk of leaving won’t make a goddamn bit of difference. We’ll all be dead without food anyway. This staying put and defending ourselves bullshit is _not_ sustainable. Help isn’t coming.” 

Negan walked to him then stopped between his legs. Leaned down into him, he kissed Carl hard. His fingers quickly fumbled to unzip his pants but didn’t push for more.

Dropping to his knees, Negan reached for Carl’s neck and guided him forward to kissed him again. Deeply and with a desperation they both felt regularly since the dead rose. Carl’s fingers scratched against Negan’s head as he held him in place and pushed further into his mouth. Feeling Negan against his skin was the only time the rest of the hell around them melted away. The only time anything felt normal and right and good.

“I want you to fuck me, Negan,” Carl pleaded, shaking against his lips.

Negan’s hands moved to rub against his jeans, to encouraging Carl’s already hard cock. He sighed regretfully into his mouth, “It’s too loud.”

The soft knock against the door made Carl jump. Negan swore under his breath and reluctantly removed his hand from Carl’s pants.

“Why aren't you in the guest room? " Rick appeared on the other side. "Keep the damn door open when _he’s_ in here, Carl. You know that.”

Negan, still crouched between Carl’s legs, turned back to Rick and scratched angrily, “Can’t your boy get sucked off in peace, Rick? Come on. Let him have a blow job from his _Daddy_ without some pervert listening in.”

Carl felt the heat of his face flush instantly and he kicked Negan out of embarrassment. 

“Door. _Open._ ” Rick repeated cooly, ignoring Negan’s taunt.

Just as he was about to walk out, Negan continued with a smile, “You sick son of a bitch, I don’t think Carl likes an audience, but I guess it is _your_ house.”

“Negan, shut up,” Carl muttered quietly, kicking him harder as he watched Rick shake his head and walk away. “Why do you have to be so gross? You know my mom still doesn’t know, asshole. She’d flip her shit and you’d be out on your ass.”

Negan chuckled to himself and stood up. He sat next to Carl on his bed and with the same hushed whisper everyone used when nightfall came, he answered, “I’m only stickin’ around for you, kid. You think I like spending my time with that asshole?” He gestured towards the door. Then he shook his head, “He ain’t all bad, I don’t mean it like that. But Jesus Christ does he have a complex for being in charge. You know, he only tolerates me because he’s scared you’d run off with me if I did leave.”

Carl adjusted himself on his bed, back to laying on top of the mattress to stare at the ceiling. He pulled at Negan’s arm, forcing him to lay down next to him. “Thanks for not making me choose.”

“Fuck, I’d be out in a heartbeat if I found something better, I’m not gonna lie to you kid. By _better_ I don’t mean _you_. I mean a better operation. Right now having two alpha assholes is only kind of working but it won’t forever. Rick and I have an understanding. He knows I’ll keep you safe, that’s the only reason he puts up with my shit.”

“I don’t need anyone to protect me!”

“You’re getting better with your aim, I’ll give you that. Not as easy as darts, though, is it? You’ll get there, kid. Fuck I’ve seen you pulverize a man with a weight, hot as hell by the way. I know what you’re capable of. Daddy sure as fuck doesn’t. But I figure if he thinks you need an extra set of eyes on you, then hell, I’ll look at you _all_ the live long,” he leered at him, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

Carl asked, “Is that why you put up with _his_ shit then? So you can get laid?”

"Those are definitely the perks," Negan studied his face through the darkly lit room. Only a single candle on the end table to offer any light, “And it works for me, for _now._ ”

He hated when he talked like that. Carl understood minutely that when a more secure way of living offered itself to him, Negan would be gone faster than fuck. He knew that someday he’d be forced to choose between going with Negan or staying with his family, and he couldn’t bear the thought. As much as he’d dreamt of running off with him _before_ , life was different now. Leaving his family was as good as never seeing them again and Carl knew, deep down, he wasn’t ready for that. He couldn’t give that up, not for _Negan,_ who probably didn’t give him much of a second thought.

The deep bond they had built in the world before suddenly seemed less significant now that people were smashing bastards left and right daily. _Walkers._ Not people. There _was_ a difference. But Carl worried it wasn’t enough to hold onto Negan.

“Do you still want me to blow you?” Negan asked softly. “Havin’ your dick in my mouth is the only way I don’t feel the weight of this bullshit piling down on top of us.” He turned and forced Carl to meet his lips, which he did gladly.

The door to his bedroom was open, but Rick knew what they were doing. He knew to keep Lori from walking in on it. 

Carl finally nodded as they kissed. He didn’t know how to tell Negan he couldn’t lose him. That his heart ached even thinking about Negan no longer being there. That at times he was sure he’d rather die than be alone in this hell without him.

* * *

When he came out of his room in the morning, Carl could hear Rick and Negan already arguing.

“No way in hell am I going into the city. You have to be fuckin’ insane to think that’s a good plan, Rick.”

Rick was leaning against the counter, “The military is supposed to be reinforcing safe zones. That could be our best chance at survival. They’ve been announcing it all over the radio. If that’s where they’re directing survivors we _need_ to check it out.”

“Oh, the same military that deserted _this_ town? _That_ military? And what about the part where it’s a huge fuckin’ death trap, _Rick?_ The part where a _city_ of dead fucks are wandering around, starving for a bite of warm flesh. And if the military efforts were doing fuck all, don’t you think there would be some indication that it was working? Huh? Maybe they’d send out convoys to find survivors. Change up that radio message a bit?”

“Where do you think they went after they left here? And even if the base isn’t operational the city will still have more supplies! There will be weapons, food, hell even gas and better means of transportation.”

“We can find reliable transportation here, goddamn it!” Negan hit his fist on the counter top.

“Oh, so what’s _your_ plan then? Take off into the woods?”

“It’s better than going straight for a death trap, you fuckin’ idiot.”

“Guys,” Carl interrupted. They both turned to look at him, neither one pleased to see him enter the room. “Where’s mom?”

“Washing clothes in the garage,” Rick answered tersely, placing his hands on his hips.  
  
Carl tilted his head and asked, “Are we leaving, Dad?”

“Sure as fuckin’ right we’re leaving,” Negan replied before Rick could answer.

“We’re just trying to come up with the safest plan,” Rick said.

“Which is _not_ going head first into a fuckin’ concrete jungle of hundreds of _thousands_ of dead motherfuckers wanting to bite our asses!”

“Well, what’s your plan?” Carl asked Negan.

Negan swallowed back his frustration and said, “I think we should head farther out. Make it to the countryside and try for farmland. We’ll have to scavenge and get as many supplies as we can, but we need to find more people. People, _alive_ ones, should be the main resource we focus on. Then we can figure out the rest. This town is picked the hell apart. We can’t secure safe points and we need access to fresh, sustainable supplies. Or at the very least the people who understand more than we do about foraging and hunting.”

“So, you just think you’re gonna find some survivalist’s farm that has everything we need all ready to live off the land? And they’re just gonna take us in? Where the hell is this magic farm, Negan?” Rick snapped.

“It’s better than being surrounded by fuckin’ walkers comin’ at us from all sides. Give me open land, fuck yes!”

“What if you do a trial run of the city?” Carl asked, interrupting the fighting.

Rick and Negan turned to him questioningly.

“I mean, like just do a supply run. See if there’s a safe zone at all. If there isn’t, or if it’s too dangerous, then at least we know and we can head to the country.”

Negan frowned at Rick, “That’s a stupid fuckin’ plan but it’s better than yours. _You_ can do a run and when you see the entire city covered in walkers at least then you’ll know I’m right.”

“I can’t go alone,” Rick admitted reluctantly.

“I’ll go with you, Dad,” Carl offered.

“No!” Negan and Rick said at the same time. They both looked at each other, glaring angrily. 

“We need someone here with your mom and Judith. We can’t leave them alone.”

“Negan can stay. He doesn’t want to go anyway,” Carl said.

Rick met Negan’s eyes. After a short moment Negan inhaled deeply and pointed at Rick, “Fine, you fuckin’ prick. I’m only goin’ for a supply run and to see the look on your fuckin’ face when you realize how wrong you are. Once you see it for the death trap it fuckin’ is, I’m coming home.”

Turning to Carl, Rick said, “You need to stay with your mom. Negan and I will do the city, but your mom needs you here.”

“Dad, I can go with you. I can help. You always make me stay with Mom but I can help you out there.”

“You help by staying here, okay? I know you’re getting better with your aim, that isn’t the issue, alright? _She_ needs you. She can’t be left alone to defend Judith. The next run we do you can join us. I promise. Something closer.”

Carl was ready to protest when Negan walked over to him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. He turned him away from Rick and whispered, “This won’t take long, okay? Your dad will see it’s a huge goddamn waste of time and energy and we’ll be right back. In the meantime, maybe you could, you know, be _waiting_ for me when I get back? So I can screw you raw without bleeding you out.”

“You think you can say that and it’ll make me happy to stay, like I’m just some whore waiting for the next chance at your dick?”

“Shit,” Negan laughed, “Think you ‘bout made me come in my pants with that picture you’re painting me.” 

“Negan,” Rick called, “We’re burning daylight.”

“Then get the fuckin’ gear ready, asshole, I’m talkin’ to Carl!”

Carl tried to hide a sheepish smile. Clearing his throat he said, “I _am_ going on the next run.”

“Fuck yes, you are. You need the practice. And Prick needs to see what you can do.”

“Fine,” Carl reluctantly agreed. 

“ _‘Fine’_ about that other thing too?” Negan lifted his eyebrows suggestively. 

Carl flipped him the middle finger, but smiled reluctantly.

“Yeah, but do you know where to put that?” Negan patted his back and laughed. “The thought of you stayin’ here, stretching yourself open for me while I’m gone is enough to make me want to hurry right back. It’ll be fast. Quick as I can make him realize it’s useless to go that direction.”

“Whatever, Negan.”

“When I _do_ come back I have a run for the two of us anyway. I’ve been meaning to go back to my house, grab a few things before we leave this place for good. You game for that?”

“Just you and me?” Carl lifted an eyebrow.

“Obviously. Chance to fuck you in a bed big enough for it, and I don’t exactly want Daddy creeping down the hall. Maybe you’re into that though,” he teased.

“That’s gross,” Carl punched him lightly smiling.

“Negan!” Rick called again. “Now.”

“Oh, fuck you, Rick. We were havin’ a moment.”

Rick looked between them skeptically, “The sooner we leave the sooner we can get back.”

Negan rolled his eyes.

“You take care of your mom,” Negan threw a cocky stare over his shoulder at Rick before he turned back to Carl and pinned him against the wall. He collided their lips together hard, hastily shoving his tongue into Carl’s mouth. 

Carl tried to push him away but Negan resisted and held himself firmly against him. The kiss suddenly turned gentle, as Negan pulled back enough to taste his bottom lip which always made Carl shiver. When Negan finally relented, Carl was breathless from the quick onslaught. He looked to meet Negan’s eyes, the teasing glimmer trying to mask his concern.

“Stop molesting my son and get your ass in gear,” Rick complained.

Shaking himself back to reality, Carl pushed Negan away and furrowed his brow in frustration.

Negan laughed as he stumbled away, “Like I said, we were havin’ a moment.”

“You want me to have your back out there? Maybe you don’t piss me off before we leave,” Rick remarked.

Negan threw his duffle bag of supplies over his shoulder and winked, “See ya, kid,” as he walked out the door.

* * *

After the car ran out of gas, they were lucky as hell to find horses. Quiet and fast enough to make the trip to the city pass by somewhat safely. Good enough for recon at least, Negan thought. He was pissed as fuck to be going at all, though. It was stupid as hell and more dangerous than any other run they’d done. No fucking way did the risk outweigh the slight chance of reward as far as he was concerned.

After nearly half an hour in silence, Rick finally spoke, “You’re being quiet.”

“Thought you’d appreciate it,” Negan replied tersely.

“I do, but when _you’re_ not talking it’s also unsettling. Feels like something’s wrong, not that I care, unless it affects my family.”

“I already told you, this is a stupid fuckin’ plan and I don’t like that I got roped into it. I’m just hopin’ you see the writing on the wall before we get in too deep.”

“You could have stayed,” Rick supplied weakly knowing he wouldn’t have put Carl at risk. 

“Oh fuck you, Rick. You know damn well neither one of us was going to let Carl go on this run. And if I was half the asshole you thought I was I _would_ have stayed. But thinkin’ about you dead just to try and prove a weak ass point would only put a damper on Carl’s day, so I can’t let that happen.” Negan shook his head. Changing the subject he added, “He needs to train more. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, you’re right. He’s getting better but he takes too long to be sure of the aim. You know what it’s like out here. There isn’t time for that.”

“Not just shooting. He should be practicing more melee combat. Some one-on-one. And that _ain’t_ innuendo.”

“When we get back you should work on it with him,” Rick said.

“Me? Why me?” Negan asked surprised.

“Because he listens to you and you’re right. He needs to be able to defend himself, especially if we’re leaving, and you know what you’re doing to help him.” Rick added, “I may not like you but I can admit when you’re right.”

“You remember when you came by to visit me in that jail cell our tax dollars so generously provided? You ever imagine we’d be here? I mean, end of the world aside, me living in your house, screwin’ your boy, and you just _letting_ it all happen,” Negan flashed Rick a cocky grin.

Rick scoffed, “Letting it happen? Like anyone is going to stop that kid from doing what he wants?”

“That’s the fuckin’ truth,” Negan sighed.

Rick waited a few minutes before speaking again, “Back then, in the jail, you said something else happened to him.”

“Ah, fuck,” Negan sighed. “I knew that would come back to bite me in the ass.”

“What was it?”

Negan rubbed his face, debating what to tell him. “I dunno, Rick,” he finally sighed. “I mean, if things were normal I’d be feeding you some bullshit line about a broken heart or some shit but, things aren’t normal. And it was _fucked_ up. I mean, if I think it’s fucked up it’s pretty goddamn fucked up.”

“Tell me,” he pleaded. 

Pulling at the reins of his horse, he slowed and moved closer to Rick, “You do not tell one fuckin’ soul about this. I’m only telling you now because I figure beside it being your own son, you might want to know what happened. And also you need to know, Carl isn’t a delicate flower. Yeah, a trip to the city may have been a bit much, but you need to let him go. He needs to learn how to properly defend himself. You’re not doing him any favors keeping him sheltered from this.”

“Just tell me, Negan.”

Negan stared at him hard before admitting, “You remember Pedo Paul?”

“The man my son killed?” He asked pointedly. “Yeah, I remember.”

“He wasn’t the first."

Rick stared at him, “What do you mean?”

“Fuck, I really don’t know if I should be telling you this. I mean, it doesn’t fucking matter _now,_ but Carl still wouldn’t want you knowin’ _._ ”

“What the hell do you mean he wasn’t the _first?”_ Rick asked again, heat rising in his voice.

Negan met his glare, “You remember that first boy you found? The kid who was raped bloody? What was he, left in a parking lot or some shit?”

Rick’s eyes darted back and forth, Negan could tell he was trying to recall the details. “Yeah,” his voice was uneven.

Inhaling deeply, Negan pulled the reins of his horse and continued for the city as he said, “Carl found the guy that did it. Fuck that, _he_ found Carl.”

Hurrying to catch up, Rick demanded, “What the hell happened?”

“He was stalking Carl. The idiot your son is, he decided to play hitchhiker. The fucker took him back to the industrial park where he had himself a nice little plan. He had a whole fuckin’ set up waiting for him. That shitstain was going to rape and kill him. Carl escaped before anything could happen. He called me. I took care of it. If you’re really curious how it all _really_ started between us, _that_ was it.”

“Wait, what? Can you just, just say that again.”

“The guy had Carl tied to some crates, ready to punch his asshole open. Carl escaped and beat the ever fuckin’ shit out of him. But he was scared shitless. He thought he killed the cock sucker. He didn’t, by the way. But, he called me. He was adamant you stay uninvolved. I just figured you’d want to know, one, because it happened to Carl. And two, you never have to worry about that asshole again. Not that that matters now what with this living hell we’re working with.”

“What did you do?"

“Beat the shit out of him with a baseball bat,” Negan picked up his bat and twirled it for show. “Kind of how I got so fond of this.”

“Carl didn’t kill him?”

“No, Paul’s the only one on that list. But that first guy is what fucked him up. There wasn’t anything going on between us before that. Then he started coming over all the time. I think he was scared. He used to have to worst nightmares, talking and kickin’ in his sleep. He said the only time he felt better was when he was with me. And, all the cards on the table here, I was fucked up by it too. I just killed a guy, and yeah he fuckin’ deserved it. There were bone saws lined up along a crate for fuck’s sake. You shoulda fuckin’ seen it. But having Carl around reminded me _why_ I did it.” 

Negan shook his head in disgust, “Still, I fuckin’ _killed_ a guy and then I had Carl sneaking into my bed at night, looking for comfort. And I actually don’t mean with my dick this time. But, he started to get things twisted. He wanted to look for others to hunt down. Wanted to teach them a lesson. I think it was his way of reclaiming power, so he didn’t feel so helpless. When he told me about Paul, I knew the rumors. I knew it was probably _more_ than rumors. So I set up a meeting for him. You need to know, Rick, if I didn’t do this, if I didn’t go with him, he was going to go on his own. That’s the goddamn truth. And that scared the shit out of me. You didn’t see him that night after it first happened. It’s like he was dead inside until he cooked up this whole plan of vigilante justice.”

“Why didn’t _you_ tell me? Why didn’t you call the cops right after it happened? I would have believed you. I would have believed Carl.”

Negan huffed, “I had just _killed_ a man, and yeah, he deserved it, but that fucker didn’t have a head by the time I was done. I guess I should have called but I’m man enough to admit I was scared. Carl kept telling me not to get you involved and that no one would believe that I was acting in defense, well, because I guess at that point I wasn’t. It was pure rage and revenge. I guess the reason why I’m telling you all this _now_ is because the kid has fight in him. A hell of a lot more than you know. You want the truth? If Carl hones in his skills a bit, this new world? He was made for it.”

Rick furrowed his brow and shook his head, “No one should be made for _this._ ”

“Well, like it or not, Carl is.” Negan adjusted the reins in his hands, “Or at least he _will be_ once I’m through with him.”

* * *

They weren’t back by nightfall. 

Carl tried not to be too worried but it was difficult with what they may be facing. Negan had always caused Rick grief but he had never so openly disagreed with a plan as vehemently as he had about going into the city. 

While Carl sat with his mom and Judith all day, their house remained quiet. His presence there was entirely unnecessary as far as he was concerned. And now Lori and Judith were asleep in their room while he lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling. 

It had been a while since he thought of it, but he missed his phone. It had always been such a welcomed distraction and now he was left alone with only his thoughts. Images in his mind played out the worst scenarios for why Rick and Negan hadn’t returned and he couldn’t push them away.

Even though the day had been uneventful, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. His body was exhausted but his mind was wired. Curling on his side, he stared ahead at the TV that no longer worked. Time passed as his mind wandered and soon the room began to lighten as the sun rose slowly outside. Absently he heard Judith’s muffled cries then the familiar sounds of feet shuffling to quiet her.

He blinked and then Lori appeared in the doorway holding his sister, walking into the living room, “Did you sleep at all sweetie?”

Rubbing his face, he sat and looked around, “I don’t think so.”

“Honey, why don’t you go try to get some rest? We’ll be fine. I’ll call for you if anything happens.”

Nodding absently, he pulled himself to his feet and dragged himself to his room. Dropping to his bed, Carl pushed his face into his pillow. He wanted to scream. The exhaustion and worry and fight they had to put up with each and every day was taking its toll. He closed his eye for a moment and listened to the nothingness of the house.

But he lurched when he realized there were voices speaking loudly from the kitchen. Carl blinks, lifting his head suddenly he can tell by the light in the room that several hours have passed. Jumping from the bed, he ran quickly to the kitchen to find Rick, Negan, and a man he’d never seen before talking to Lori.

“What the hell is that?” Negan smiles, pointing at him.

Trying to smooth down his hair and adjust his crooked bandage over his wound, he gave Negan an angry look. Carl demanded, “Where the hell have you been? What happened in the city?”

“We got our asses handed to us, just like I told your dad we would,” Negan replied. “Glenn here was nice enough to help us out.”

He looked to the man standing to the side who waved and gave him a small smile, “Hi.”

Carl asked, “So, the city is out?”

Negan laughed, “The city is fuckin’ out, kid.”

“It wasn’t a bad idea,” Rick crossed his arms. “We got plenty of supplies.”

“Almost fuckin’ died, though,” Negan sneered.

“But we didn’t,” Rick rubbed his face. “And now we know where to go, thanks to Glenn.”

“What do you mean?” Lori asked.

“Glenn says they have a camp a ways outside of town. He’s been doing runs to the city for supplies but mostly they’ve been hunting and fishing.”  
  
“Just like I told you we should be doin’ all along!” Negan added.

“Well, we wouldn’t have even found out about the camp if we wouldn’t have gone into the city!” Rick huffed.

“Alright children,” Lori shook her head then turned to Glenn, “How many people do you have?”

“Around twenty-five, thirty maybe?” he replied. “Most of us have campers or trucks. A few have tents. We don’t have much room so you might want to bring something to live out of if you’re planning on staying a while.”

“And they’re just going to take us in?” She asked skeptically.

“Yeah, for a fuckin’ price,” Negan shifted his weight. “Ain’t that right?”

“Look, if it were up to me I’d say join us. We have kids, we have grandparents, it’s not like we’re trying to keep you out. But it’s getting harder to survive out there and I know they’re not going to be cool taking in four more people and a baby unless you prove you can pull your weight or have something else to offer.”

Rick exchanged a knowing glance with Negan.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Carl asked.

“They want to take our fuckin’ guns.” 

“Not _all_ of them,” Glenn hurriedly added. “But if you have something to offer they’ll be a lot more willing to let you in.”

“Well, what choice do we have?” Lori asked.

“None,” Rick admitted. He turned to Glenn, “You saved us out there, so I trust you. If you say we can trust this group then I’m willing to part with a few of them for the greater good.”

Carl asked, “When are we leaving?”

“As soon as we’re done packing,” Rick answered.

“I need to get to my house,” Negan said. “Carl and I can look for a van or a camper and find some gas to siphon while we’re out. We’ll meet back here but it’ll take a few hours.”

“You’re not taking him with you,” Lori said. “It’s too dangerous.”

“Mom, I’m going. You can’t stop me,” Carl rolled his eye as he walked into the living room. He grabbed his gun and put it in his holster. Putting his hat on, he walked back into the kitchen.

“No, Rick,” Lori shook her head. “He’s not going out there!”

“Rick and I already talked about it.” Negan smiled at her gently. “Lori, I won’t let anything happen to him,” his sincerity was a shocking contrast to the usual sarcasm, “I _promise_ you. Anyway, he’s stronger than you’re giving him credit for. Besides, the little stalker knows the fastest way through town.”

“Rick!” Lori protested.

Shaking his head, Rick replied, “Negan’s right. Carl needs the practice.”

“But all the way across town?”

“It’s not that far, Mom.” Carl adjusted his backpack and turned to Negan, “You ready?”

“Come on, kid,” he patted Carl’s hat and they walked out the door leaving Lori’s protestations behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

“You wanna hold hands?” Negan teased as they left the house.

Carl ignored him as he walked past the two new cars in his driveway, “Wouldn’t it be faster to drive?”

“No. With any luck we won’t run into trouble but if we do you need practice stabbing those fuckers in the skull,” Negan lifted his bat over his shoulder. 

“Stabbing?” Carl asked, “Why can’t I shoot them?” 

“Too loud. It attracts more. I know Rick has you practicing with a gun but it’s goddamn short sighted as hell. A gun is good in a bind, don’t get me wrong, but you should learn something quiet. You need to know how to stop them at close range, that’s how they always get you. What are you gonna do when you run out of bullets? You’re fucked.” Negan twirled his bat and rested it on his shoulder, “This never runs out.” 

“It’s not like I haven’t done this before,” Carl huffed, turning suddenly, cutting through his neighbor’s yard.

“Yeah, so here’s the thing, Hot Shot. I talked your dad into letting you go on more runs but you can’t let that fuckin’ ego of yours get the better of you. I’m not fuckin’ around here. You listen to me. You listen to Rick. You do what we tell you. If I tell you something needs to change, I’m not sayin’ it to be a dick, I’m telling you so you don’t get killed.”

“Why are you being such a hard-ass all of a sudden? I listened to you at school didn’t I?”

Negan scoffed, “Excuse me,  _ did _ you? My memory is a bit hazy but I seem to recall you sneaking into my office tryin’ to suck my dick when I explicitly told you not to do either one of those things.”

“That was different.”

“No, it fucking wasn’t. You’re an obstinate little shit,” Negan smiled, nudging into him, “That’s why I like you. But you can’t do that now. Not about this.”

“Fine,” Carl relented. “So what do you think about this Glenn guy?”

“Seems okay enough. Stupid as hell, though. He risked his ass to save ours. That’s gonna get him killed someday.”

“You trust him about the camp?”

“Eh,” Negan tilted his head considering, “Not like we have much choice. And he could have left us for dead. That was before he knew we had all those guns your dad took from the jail.” Negan pointed in front of them, “There are a couple dead ones up there. You want to try stabbin’ some bitches or do you have a better route to take?” 

“I don’t have a knife.”

“Hold your gun on ‘em, make sure they don’t see us. They can be fast fuckers.” Carl lifted his gun and held it steady at the walkers ahead as Negan adjusted his pack and pulled out bowie knife. “Happy belated,” he handed it to Carl. “Sorry I didn’t have time to get it engraved with a  _ C hearts N _ .”

Carl lowered the gun, taking the knife from Negan. He examined the blade closely. Sharp and deadly. Smiling he replied, “Think it should say  _ N hearts C. _ ” He looked at the handle and played with its weight, adding indifferently, “You’re the only one who has confessed their love around here.”

Negan laughed softly. Leaning next to Carl’s ear he whispered, “Shit, I can tell you love me by the way you worship my prick.”

Carl looked up at him smiling, “Think that just means I love your prick.”

“Fuck,” Negan pointed. “They spotted us. Sure you’re game, kid? If you know a better way around that’s fine.”

“I can do it,” he took a deep breath as he removed the blade from its sheath. He gripped the handle tight.

Negan narrowed his eyes at Carl, “Calm down there, cowboy. You ain’t jumping in knives a blazin’. I’m gonna knock ‘em down first. Keep your gun in mind, we’re not dying to prove you can do this, alright? But you and I both  _ know _ you can.”

“Yeah, alright,  _ fine _ ,” Carl sneered in annoyance switching back to his gun.

“Alright, kid. Stay behind me until I tell you.”

Negan walked forward briskly. Three walkers lurched towards them, moaning and scratching at the air. Carl’s heart beat fast anytime he saw them. Each the same yet something a little different. Flesh falling from their bodies and clothes unkempt. It wasn’t quite the same watching Negan twirl his bat in their direction as it had been with the men they had targeted. The banter was useless and the threat against him and Negan was more feral. The walkers couldn’t sense the danger and had no life to plead for. Carl had to admit he missed that part.

“Wait ‘til I tell you, and do exactly as I say.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Save that shit for the bedroom,” Negan shot him a cocky smile over his shoulder.

Carl watched with rapt attention as Negan hit the first two walkers. Once they were down, he took his bat to their legs, smashing the bones ensuring they would never stand again. The third one he lead farther away and did the same. All three scratched and clawed at the ground, still trying to reach them. 

It reminded Carl of the very first time he’d ever seen them.

“Okay,” Negan waved him over.

Carl holstered his gun and approached the walker farthest away. He grabbed the knife by the handle and waited impatiently for Negan’s instructions.

“The easiest points of entry are the eyes or the base of the skull. If there is enough decay and you have enough force you can drive it down on top. So, I want you to try all three.”

“What should I do first?”

“Skull fuck him,” Negan grinned.

Narrowing his eyes annoyed, he groaned, “Really?” 

“Drive it through his skull. Hard and fast. Don’t hesitate. It’s never going to be this easy, but I want you to get a feel for it so you understand how much force you need.” 

Carl moved around the walker, positioning himself in a way that made it easiest. He reached up high then threw his arm and the blade at the head. It slipped on the skull, peeling the skin, before he felt it crack through piercing the brain. The walker fell limply to the ground.

Negan slapped his back, “Good boy.”

“I’m not a dog,” Carl stood straight, shaking his arm from the effort as he held onto the knife.

“Alright the next two, one in the eye and one in the back of the head.”

Walking to them he grabbed the first one by the hair. Its hands clawed at his legs and pulled at him but he quickly stabbed it in the back of the skull. It’s hands released him and he kicked it out of the way. He was quicker to drive the blade into the eye of the last one.

He looked to Negan who was watching him carefully. “Was that satisfactory?” He asked sarcastically.

“A-plus,” he replied dryly. He stared at Carl a moment, putting him on edge.

“What?”

Narrowing his eyes he admitted, “I thought you might protest to stabbing them in the eye. What with the whole, you know-” he gestured vaguely at Carl’s wound.

“Oh, fuck you,” Carl wiped his knife clean on the nearest body and sheathed it. 

“Now that you mention it,” he felt the heavy weight of Negan’s arm drape around his shoulders, “That brings us to our second order of business.”

As they continued to walk, quickly approaching Negan’s house, Carl asked, “Do you even need anything here or is this just a quick fuck before we leave?”

“Quick? We have a couple hours to kill. Glenn isn’t gonna leave without the massive stash of guns and Daddy won’t leave without you. Did you stretch yourself open or am I gonna have to take my time?”

“We still need to find a camper,” Carl changed the subject. “And gas.” 

They approached Negan’s house. The block was quiet but scattered with cars crashed into trees and bodies on the ground.

“Hold that thought,” Negan said quietly as they walked towards his garage.

“Gun or knife?” Carl asked.

“Gun, but don’t shoot. If we have time, switch to the knife. You need the practice.”

Carl unholstered his gun and aimed it steadily towards the door. Negan’s hand hovered over the knob. He nodded back at Carl then opened his garage. It was empty but dark. There were no walkers and Negan motioned to Carl to drop the gun. It looked like the garage had been broken into. Gardening supplies and hoses were thrown across the concrete. His pool table was pushed haphazardly to the side. It made Carl’s heart ache to see a place of such comfort be violated and destroyed. 

Negan didn’t seem to mind. He walked to a corner and moved a tarp. “Ha!” he laughed, showing Carl a full tank of gasoline. “I kept this out here for emergencies. Think the end of the world counts.” He pulled out a few more large, empty containers, “We used these for water at the games.” Handing them to Carl he nodded toward his house.

They walked slowly from the garage to the back entrance of the house. Negan tried the knob but it was still locked. Carl reached down and uncovered the hidden key and handed it to Negan. 

“Gun ready?”

Carl nodded. 

Negan unlocked the door and they took a small step inside. It sounded quiet, but walkers always did. Even though it was day the house looked dark. Curtains were drawn and the smell of stale air and dust lingered. Negan walked to the living room and waved Carl in his direction. They slowly worked through each room of the house but were lucky to find it empty. Negan went back to the doors and locked them as Carl raided his kitchen for anything they could bring with them. 

Luckily Negan had just gone shopping after he was released from jail and there was a decent amount stacked in his cupboards. Carl pulled out all of the useful items and placed them on the kitchen table.

After his kitchen had been sorted through, Carl realized he hadn’t seen Negan in some time. He pulled his knife and listened through the house. A scratching noise was coming through one of the back rooms. Carl walked silently through the house, heart pounding. When he pushed open the slightly opened door he saw Negan kneeling on the ground with open boxes around him. A red scarf lay across his lap and several pictures were scattered around the floor. Carl could make a few of them out to be Negan and his wife.

Carl suddenly felt like he was interrupting. Just as he was about to turn away, Negan called, “Go see if there’s any water left in the pipes. Fill up those containers and bring them to the kitchen.” 

He did it without hesitation or remark. Carl understood Negan was saying goodbye to Lucille in a different way this time. Giving him privacy, he went to the bathroom with a container then returned to the kitchen faucet. He was able to fill two of the containers before the pipes started sputtering and the water stopped.

Negan walked out of the room and leaned against the doorway as Carl placed the containers on the kitchen table.

“You get what you came for?” Carl asked.

“You’re not walking with a limp yet, so no.”

Carl shook his head then nodded in the direction of Negan’s bedroom, “Come on, Coach. I’d let you fuck me here but I think this might be our last chance at a real bed for a while and I’d like to take advantage of it.”

“Well you know where the hell it is.”

Smiling, Carl turned and walked down the hall to Negan’s bedroom for what they both knew was likely the last time.

Carl took off his hat and threw his shirt to the side then made fast work of his jeans. He carefully placed the gun and the knife within reaching distance of the bed. When he turned around he saw Negan standing at the end of the bed still clothed.

“Take your boxers off and get on all fours,” he demanded.

“Yes, sir,” the corner of Carl’s mouth twitched up in a faint smile. Carl stepped out of his underwear and crawled onto the bed. Looking over his shoulder he teased, “Is this how you want me, Coach?”

Negan grabbed his ankles and pulled. Carl fell to his stomach and Negan pulled him closer to the end of the bed where he stood. He forced Carl back onto his knees, ass up, but pushed down on his shoulders lowering him to the bed.

“ _ This _ is how I want you, you little cocktease. That little boy pussy of yours high in the air beggin’ for my prick.”

“Yes, sir,” Carl taunted as he pushed back, wantonly on display, “Anything you want, sir.”

“You fucker. When the hell did you get so confident? Before, you were blushin’ the second you even saw a bed.” Negan’s hands ran down his back making him shiver. His thumbs paused and kneaded into the dimples above Carl’s ass. “I remember when shootin’ you a smile almost had you shootin’ your load.”

Carl narrowed his eye and ignored him, asking instead, “Did you always want to fuck me?” Looking over his shoulder, Carl teased, “Was it before or after you killed that man for me? Before it even happened, you singled me out. Invited me into your home. Did you dream about me, Negan? What were your depraved fantasies? What did you want to do to me?”

Negan’s brow furrowed from Carl’s taunts and his cocky grin fell from his face

Carl smirked and turned forward, “Were you watching me when I walked through the halls, spying on me as I undressed in the locker room? Did it give you ideas?”

Negan’s thumb grazed over his hole and Carl’s breath hitched. He reached a hand between his leg to stroke himself and sighed, “I bet you wanted to fuck me right in the locker room.” He heard Negan spit, then felt the wetness dripping onto his ass. A finger massaging where he was too sensitive. He inhaled as a finger pushed in. “Did you want to see how loud you could make me moan. Just for  _ you, _ Negan,” he added breathlessly. “See if the echoes would carry far enough to get us caught?” 

Then Negan’s hot mouth was on him. His tongue was lapping against the finger pushing in and out of him and Carl gasped as his hard cock leaked at the tip as he his stroked. “Before you ever said a word to me, did you touch yourself thinking about it? Just a broken kid begging for your dick and you knew you could get away with it. You knew no one would care if just this  _ once _ you fucked one of your students.” Breathing heavily, Carl mocked with a whimper, “Was I your favorite, Negan?”

Negan removed his finger and pushed in his tongue, finally pulling an obscene moan from Carl. His hand reached through to Carl’s cock and Negan held onto it, pulling him as he fucked him open on his tongue. 

He stopped abruptly. “I wanted to paint the school white with you,” he admitted. Grabbing at his hips, he flipped Carl onto his back.

“Change your mind, Coach?” Carl teased.

Negan bit his lip. He took his shirt off and unzipped his pants, then climbed on the bed. Moving to the side, Negan leaned over the top of him, “You can fuck around about that as much as you want. Me bein’ a coach. You playin’ up the  _ very  _ literal jailbait act. It’s cute. But you know what I really think of those pedophile motherfuckers.  _ You _ know I’m nothing like that.” He grabbed Carl’s hair and pulled, forcing his head to the side, leaving his neck exposed. Carl cried out as Negan bit onto his neck, hard enough to leave marks but not enough to bleed. Then he lifted and licked, soothing the attack, “ _ You _ know what  _ really _ gets me hard, Carl.” Again he bit into the tender flesh of Carl’s neck, sucking and dragging his teeth as his hand trailed to his nipple where he pinched hard, making Carl gasp. He writhed under Negan’s hands until it wandered lower, finding Carl’s cock. He stroked him, thumbing at the leaking tip.

“Is that what you jerk off to?” Carl moaned.

“You started it,” he laughed quietly. “Watchin’ you get hard when I’d beat in their skulls.” Negan’s hand moved further between his legs and back to his hole. He pushed a finger inside, easily now and started working him open. “Killing with you, each time was the single most thrilling moment of my life and all I could think about was fucking you into the ground next to their corpse. Licking the blood off your freckles.” 

He pushed another finger inside and Carl winced at the burn, but he welcomed so much more. Negan bit and sucked again at his neck, marking him. Making Carl squirm from the sensation. Adding another finger, Carl arched his back, rocking against him, nearly fucking himself on Negan’s hand.

“We’ll do it again someday,” Negan promised. “We’ll do it again and this time it won’t matter who finds out. I can fuck you as loud as I want next to the still warm body and no one will give a shit in this world.” 

“Negan,” Carl sighed, screwing up his eye. “I don’t want to wait for a dead body. Fuck me  _ now. _ ”

Negan laughed and removed his hand. He forced Carl into the positioned he wanted. “After that first one,” Negan lined himself up against Carl’s hole and pushed in slowly, “ _ That’s _ when I knew I wanted to _use_ you to paint the school white.” 

Carl bit his lip, trying to conceal his moan.

“That first time it was so fucked up,” Negan continued, pushing in hard. “Fucked  _ me _ up. But you kept coming back to my bed. Fuck, Carl. I wanted you so fuckin’ bad. Do you know how hard it was to stop myself from touchin’ you?” 

His hands trailed up Carl’s chest, smooth and unmarked until he dragged his nails down. Red scratches stung his flesh on each thrust, but he arched into it, his body craving more. Negan fucked him hard before finally wrapping his hand around Carl’s cock. With a firm grasp he stroked him.

Resisting the urge to close his eye, he watched Negan, sweat on his brow and breathing hard. Licking his lip, Carl swore, knowing it would be over too soon. As Negan twisted his wrist, Carl’s eyes finally fluttered closed. He bit his lip, coming over Negan’s fist, wishing they could stay in his bed forever but knowing it would be the last time.

Negan let go of his cock and thrust in deeper. Carl felt boneless. He relaxed into the bed enjoying the way Negan pulled at his hips, fucking into him relentlessly as he used his body. And he could, Carl would let him, anytime he wanted. Any _way_ he wanted, he was Negan’s.

“Shit,” Negan swore as he bit his lip. 

Carl smiled darkly, watching the beautifully pained look of euphoria pass across Negan’s face as he fucked harder. His stomach jumped watching Negan come undone. His chest tightened and ached as Negan collapsed next to him on the bed.

Turning on his side, Carl watched with a small smile as Negan’s breathing began to slow. 

Negan opened one eye and smiled back, “Yeah, you love me.”

Laughing, Carl rolled his eye, “You wish.”

“I  _ know, _ ” Negan closed his eyes still smiling.

Carl shook his head. Negan was right. He knew he was right. But there was still a part of him scared of how deeply he cared for him.  _ Loved _ him. The power behind it terrified him and while he trusted Negan with his life, he remembered what it was like at school. The jealousy he felt around other women. He knows Negan fucks around and once Carl isn't the last person in the world for him, Negan will probably do so again. 

So maybe he loves him, but so what? Carl won’t let himself be hurt by Negan. Not in that way. 

His fingers absently brushed over the faint pain at his neck. “Where are we going to find an RV?” Carl asked suddenly.

“I think I know,” Negan sighed, sitting up in bed. “Come on, we got shit to do.”

In the end they were lucky that Negan’s neighbors abandoned their old camper. Carl didn’t know if they made it out of town alive and Negan didn’t seem concerned. It was unlikely, not many people had survived the initial outbreak and if they had, surely they would have taken it with them. 

Negan broke into the home. They found the keys and raided the rest of the home for any useful supplies. 

In the garage, Negan found some tools and leather gloves. When they tried the ignition they were fortunate it started at all and with a half tank of gas besides. Knowing the camper would move, they continued to look through for more things to take with them on their way to the campsite.

“Hey, Negan! Come here,” Carl called out.

“Find some nudie mags?”

“No. I have an idea. I was thinking about what you said before, about a weapon that you don’t need to reload.”

“Yeah, and?"

“Give me your bat.”

“You’re not taking my bat. I’m growing attached to her. She’s been doin’ a fine job of saving my ass. Find your own.”

“I’m not keeping it,” Carl scoffed and pulled it out of Negan’s hands. “Look,” he held up barbwire and began wrapping it carefully and tightly around the wood of the bat.

“Fuck! You’re a little genius! Look at that sexy fucker. She’s all dressed up and ready to beat the brains out of someone.”

Smiling, Carl handed it back to Negan, “Yeah? You like it?”

“Hell, yeah!” Negan swung it in the air, trying out the new feel. “Shit, that’s badass. Goddamn, Carl,” his dimples shone clearly through his toothy grin.

Carl turned away shyly, fighting off his blush under the full weight of Negan’s praise. He continued to look through the garage for more helpful items but was too distracted by Negan’s hands running over the bat in admiration.

After they were done loading the RV, Carl settled into the passenger seat next to Negan. Looking around, he asked, “Don’t you think it’s too old?”

“That’s a risk I’ll take. Older cars are easier to fix. At least, easier for me. All that new shit is behind some motherboard. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Can’t even hotwire them. So, even though this might be more of a fuel hog it should serve its purpose. Might be a bit sturdier too. If Rick doesn’t like it he can fuck off.”

“You’re going to let him stay in here?” Carl glanced around at the small space. There was a room in the back and it looked like the couch might serve as a bed.

“We’ll see how things shake down at the camp. I can’t send Lori and your sister away, so for now I’ll play nice.”

They drove it over to Negan’s house and loaded up their supplies without incident. On the drive back to Carl’s house they stopped at every car they saw. Carl watched with a not so shy fascination as Negan siphoned gasoline from a hose into the empty containers remaining.

“Gettin’ some ideas there, kid?” Negan joked knowingly. “You little pervert.”

“You on your knees, sucking?” Carl shrugged with a smile as he stood guard, “Not the worst thing I’ve seen.”

Negan laughed.

It had already been several hours that they’d been out when they finally made it back to Carl’s house. Negan parked on the street outside his front door.

As he reached for the car door, Negan said, “Hey, Carl. Wait a sec.”

He turned, confused, and saw Negan climbing into the back part of the RV. Carl followed him to the small room with the bed. Negan didn’t lay down but instead he reached for Carl. He kissed him slowly. One last quiet moment to share between them before they would face the rest of their future, perilous and uncertain. Carl felt every bit of Negan’s hands running over him and gripping his arms. Their noses brushing. The familiar taste of his mouth and how Negan’s bottom lip fit perfectly between his teeth when he bit it, teasing him to release a moan. 

“Now that we’re leaving your house,” Negan said softly, “Who gives a fuck if your mom finds out?”

Carl sighed and pulled away, “I know. It’s just-”

“Creepy as fuck?”

Shrugging, he said, “My mom likes you and things are easier because of it. If she finds out about it, or if my Dad tells her everything, when it all started anyway, she won’t want me around you anymore. I just think it’s easier this way.”

“Alright, Juliette. Romeo will keep it under wraps. For  _ now. _ Kind of hot, you know? Might have to sneak off into the woods for a quickie under the stars.”

Carl’s mouth turned up at the corner as he smiled shyly, “That kind of reminds me of Bryce.”

Negan adjusted Carl’s hat, “The college rapist prick?”

“Yeah.”

“You _sure_ got off on it,” Negan teased, flashing his white grin. “Bet you have a near constant boner what with all the shitheads you see me takin’ out these days.”

“That’s different.”

“Yeah, it is.”

A loud banging on the side of the camper made Carl jump, “Carl? You okay?”

Taking a deep breath, he turned around and opened the side door, “Yeah, Dad. Just going through the stuff we- What?”

Rick was staring at him, obviously upset.

“ _ What? _ ” Carl asked again.

“Goddamn it, Negan,” Rick pushed passed him and made his way into the RV. “You really have to mark him up like that? What the hell is Lori supposed to think?”

“Walkers?” Negan leaned back and shrugged as he flashed his arrogant smile at Rick.

“ _ Walkers?! _ ” Rick huffed.

Carl found a mirror on the side of the wall and immediately noticed the purpling bruises showing on his neck. “Asshole,” he swore under his breath at Negan as he popped his collar in an attempt to conceal it.

Negan whispered behind him as he left the RV, “I didn’t hear any complaints a few hours ago.”

He blushed and avoided Rick’s glare in his direction. The worst part was, Negan was right. Carl loved when Negan marked him up. It reminded him he still had something worth living for. And Negan knew it.

“Come on,” Rick shook his head towards the house, “You need to pack and we need to leave.”

Carl’s heart ached knowing that this would be the last time he would see his childhood home. It hurt more than he realized it would. He understood the importance of moving on, but waking up in the same bedroom he had nearly every day of his life had always been a comfort. Especially during the outbreak. For a moment when he opened his eyes life was the same as it always had been. No death. No walking dead. Only safety and home. 

He didn’t take much from his room, but he did pocket the butterfly knife he had once carried with him everywhere. Before the walkers, after the first initial attack in the industrial park, the weight of the knife back on him made him feel secure. It was too small to do much damage to walkers, so bringing it along was for nostalgia. But he needed that. Something to connect him to his past.

Knowing it was mostly useless, Carl grabbed his old cell phone too. With a charger for the car he could still power it on. It was the only way he could see the picture he had taken of himself and Negan, the one that caused so much trouble. It was the only one of them together. He hadn’t been brave enough to ask for any others. So he brought the phone, not caring that it was pure frivolous indulgence. 

As he sat in the front seat of the RV, traveling down the road next to Negan who was driving steadily, avoiding the occasional crash, he smiled as he compared the knives he now owned. His own was small and flashy, but the one Negan had given him had purpose. 

A promise of death.

“It’s not the size of the blade,” Negan smiled in his direction, “It’s how you use it. And you  _ know _ how to use it.”

“Fuck off,” Carl smiled to himself.

Lori was in the back room with Judith, willing her to nap for the ride. Rick was driving Negan’s truck, as they all agreed it would be the most useful wherever they ended up. And Glenn was in front leading their odd caravan to the new camp.

“Think I could talk you into givin’ me some road head?”

“With my mom twenty feet away? Unlikely,” Carl scoffed.

“It was worth a shot,” Negan smiled.

“I’d be surprised if you could even get it up again,” Carl teased.

“Well, I _ was _ ridin’ your ass pretty hard. You doin’ okay there, cowboy?”

Carl shifted around in his seat, “Think you could do worse.”

“Are you tryin’ to bait me?”

“Might be.”

Negan laughed. 

They drove for a few hours. Carl messed with the radio. Only dead air and tired warnings of military bases now overrun. The camper was too old for a CD player so they sat in silence. Then he remembered his phone and charger. After a few minutes he was able to power it on. He found some music to play and revelled in the slight return to normalcy.

“Why the fuck did you take that?” Negan asked.

“I’m emotionally attached,” he shrugged, “This is what sent you to jail, by the way.”

“What the hell do you mean?”

“The reason my dad was at your house that day. He found my phone.”

“And? You didn’t delete the texts?”

“No,” Carl looked out the window sheepishly, “I also have a picture of you.”

“What? The fuck you do. Show me.”

Carl sorted through the images and found the one he’d spent much of his time looking over, “It doesn’t really show anything.” He tilted it towards Negan who ripped it from his hands.

“Fuck you,” Negan replied looking from the picture to the road again. “Anyone who has seen my tattoos knows that’s me.”

“Well, he wasn’t  _ supposed _ to find it.”

Chucking, Negan tossed it back to him. “I was hopin’ for something a little naughtier, but I can see how that might have a certain implication about it. Maybe we can make a  _ movie  _ for him to find next time?”

Carl froze. His heart leapt, unsure if Negan was teasing him. “Have you done that before?” He asked carefully.

“You mean, not including the _other_ piece of evidence that resulted in my jail time?” Negan shot him a shit eating grin, “Maybe we could make a new-and-improved one to leave around for Rick to snoop through. It would at least be a better momento than some shitty picture of my arms in bed.”

Carl considered him a moment, then turned to the side, and positioned the selfie camera for both of them to fit. He smirked as Negan leaned into frame, one hand still holding the wheel, free hand putting bunny ears behind his head. Carl smiled genuinely and took the picture.

“Now you’ll have something to remember me by,” Negan said. “And we can work on that _movie_ later,” he winked.

Shaking his head with a smile, Carl turned back to look out the window. He glanced down at the picture he had just taken. It all seemed so normal for a moment. It suddenly struck him how they were all leaving the safety of home to venture out who the hell knew where, on the word of some guy they just met, hoping for the off chance of survival.

“I think we’re gettin’ close, kid.”

Carl looked up as the cars in front of him turned. They followed and made it up a winding road through trees. It was a good distance from the main road before they saw more cars and trucks parked off to the side. Then a few campers and tents appeared. Carl thought they had to be dumb as hell to sleep in a tent these days, but these people would soon be his new community. He figured it might be more diplomatic to give them the benefit of the doubt.

“Dumbasses,” Negan muttered. “Who the fuck sleeps in a fuckin’ tent? Fuckin’ idiots.”

Carl smiled to himself as Negan parked. They watched as Glenn got out of his car followed by Rick who held up his hand for them to wait.

“Oh, fuck that,” Negan said opening his door. “Go wake up your mom, tell her we’re here.”

“No,” Carl said, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the passenger side.

Negan shook his head, “Little asshole.” He walked around meeting Carl in the front of the RV.

“That’s why you love me,” Carl replied dryly, putting his hand near the gun at his hip as they walked over to Rick.

“Hey guys,” Glenn called. “So, I’ll introduce you to-”

“Oh, fuck,” Rick swore, interrupting him.

“What?” Negan asked quickly, looking around for a threat but only saw a man from the camp approaching.

Carl sighed, “Oh,  _ fuck. _ ”

“What the hell? What’s going on?” Negan asked confused as the man stopped. 

“Shit,” the man swore.

“Shane,” Rick acknowledged reluctantly, putting his hands on his hips.

“Shane?” Negan leaned in close, asking Carl.

“Yeah, that’s-”

“Shane!” Lori’s voice carried over to them. 

They turned back to see her carrying Judith.

“Oh!  _ Shane!” _ Negan smiled in understanding. He leaned in and whispered, “Baby daddy, right? Small fuckin’ world. This is gonna be _ good. _ ”

Carl ignored Negan and quickly looked back to Shane who he hadn’t seen in years. He was staring at Judith.

“ _ Fuck, _ ” Carl sighed, knowing the conversation his parents were about to have wouldn’t be an easy one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags are slowly being added (mostly for future chapters).

“They’re taking goddamn long enough. How much time can they even spend talking it over? Like, realistically here, they can’t settle this fucking mess with a quick chat,” Negan said, watching through the blinds of the RV. 

Carl rubbed his face, “I don’t know.” Lori and Rick had been outside shouting, and whispering, and arguing with Shane for nearly a half hour. 

“He did _not_ seem like he knew about your sister. I mean, how can you even talk through that? I get why Lori wouldn’t tell him especially if he decided just to fuck off after shit hit the fan, but man, that’s tough news to process. The man is out here living his best post-apocalyptic fantasy, then along comes his old flame, who is not only alive but holding _his_ baby,” Negan whistled. He dropped the blinds and sat next to Carl. 

“We don’t know for sure that Judith is-” Carl sighed. “ _My dad_ raised her, you know? _He’s_ her father,” Carl took his hat off and threw it on the table. “Do you think he’ll send us away for it?” Carl asked.

“Fuck if I know. _You_ know him, not me. What do you think?”

Carl shook his head, “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen him. He used to come over all the time.”

“Yeah, he _came_ over at your house _a lot_ , apparently.”  
  
Glaring at him, he said, “He was always fine back then. I don’t think he’ll make us leave. Kind of a dick, though.”

“Oh, great. Another one. Wait you said he was a cop?”

“Yeah, worked with my dad.”

“Fuck, surrounded by pigs in the afterlife. I’m starting to think maybe this really actually is hell.” Negan bit his lip and lifted his eyebrows suggestively, “You know, we might have a little time?” He nodded to the backroom with the bed.

The door opened suddenly. They both turned their head to find Lori holding Judith, wiping her eyes, red from crying.

“Mom?” Carl stood. It was hard on her, he understood. For her and Rick both. The fighting between them, the stoic painful silences, they’d already come out on the other side once before. But Shane had never had his say. Lori had chosen Rick and until Carl’s accident they had made it work.

“It’s fine, Carl. I just need a minute,” she carried Judith to the back and closed the partition for privacy.

Negan stood and walked out of the camper. Carl quickly followed behind. He walked to Rick who was unloading the weapons from the truck. Handling them too roughly to put Carl at ease, as he organized and removed them from the bag he’d placed them in.

“Is he going to let us stay?” Carl asked.

“Yeah,” Rick replied tersely.

“What else did Baby Daddy say?”

Rick turned towards Negan and crowded in close, “I’m not in the mood for your bullshit right now. The only reason why I haven’t already beat the shit out of you, _again,_ is because we’re all on thin ice as it is. The people here are watchin’ us and they don’t want trouble.”

Negan lifted his hands smirking, “Shit, calm down Rick.”

“Dad,” Carl said softly, trying to redirect Rick. “What did he say?”

Taking a deep breath, he turned back to the truck, “We can stay. He wants the guns.”

“All of them?” Negan asked.

Rick looked at him meaningfully, “All the ones he _knows_ about, besides a few he said we could keep for our own protection. He wants everyone here armed.”

“But Glenn saw-”

“He didn’t see how _many_ we had, he just knows we had a decent amount. I’m not about to give up everything but it’ll have to be more than we planned.”

Negan shook his head, “I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I but we don’t have a choice.” He inhaled again and spoke evenly, “Personal issues aside, Shane’s a good guy. It’s best we stay here and try to make it work rather than go out there on our own. It’s safer.”

“Yeah, well, I guess we’ll see about that,” Negan looked over the campsite skeptically.

Rick’s expression suddenly changed, “Negan, give it a chance. This is what you were lookin’ to find out here anyway. You have to at least try it out.”

Carl stared blankly into the distance. Anytime they talked around him, his skin crawled with the hyper awareness that he was stuck between them. Neither one afraid to leverage his opinion to sway the other. It was obvious, the only reason Rick was trying to convince Negan to stay was so Carl wouldn’t leave with him. And Negan relished the power it gave him.

“I don’t have anywhere better to be,” Negan replied smiling. He lifted his arm onto Carl’s shoulder, “Come on, Carl. You can introduce me to our Fearless Leader.”

Rick returned to unloading the guns as they walked away.

A few people stared as they made their way closer to the camp. Negan whispered close in his ear, telling him what he thought of their set up. His own personal commentary of the shortcomings of the camp. The absurdity and impracticality of sleeping in tents. The danger of the way the cars were packed so closely together, blocking everyone in if they’d need to make a quick escape. As Negan’s stubble scratched intimately against his cheek, he spotted him. Shane, talking to others in the camp. They didn’t hide their approach and Carl could clearly make out what Shane was saying.

“This is a good thing. More people with gun experience. People we can trust.” As Negan cleared his throat, Shane turned and smiled tensely at them. “Just wait a minute,” he excused himself and walked over to them. His smile turned more genuine as he looked over Carl, “Shit, look at you. Goddamn you’ve grown.”

“You should see him with a weapon,” Negan lifted his arm from his shoulder and offered his hand to Shane. “I’m Negan.”

“Shane,” he replied shaking his hand.

“Yeah, I gathered from all the commotion from earlier,” Negan smiled sarcastically. Carl furrowed his brow, trying to keep Negan in line. “So, what’s the run down here? Where can we be of use?”

“Well, it’s not much but it’s been working. We keep it well protected, rotating night shifts to keep watch. During the day, a few people go into the woods and take down any dead they find roaming before they get too close. We haven’t had any come into camp yet. It’s been a good location. We have some wires set up to alert us just in case, though. You can ask one of the guys to show you how it works. They set traps for rabbits and squirrels. We’re trying not to rely too heavily on canned food. If you’re any good at hunting or fishing we always need more people to bring back food. Scavenging is another area we could use help if you’re willing to go into the city or nearby towns,” Shane replied. “I don’t think Carl should be out there, though. I don’t think Lori would like it.”

“Well, good thing Carl is a big boy now,” Negan leaned forward smiling.

Shane smiled sadly, turning to Carl, “I suppose that’s right. How’ve you been all these years?”

Carl shrugged, “Not so great the last few months, to be honest.”

Laughing, Shane said, “Well, I suppose that’s true for everyone. Is that when-” He pointed to his eye sheepishly.

Shaking his head, Carl sighed, “No. That was before. Gun accident.”

“Shit, Carl, I’m sorry. What happened?”

Carl looked down at the ground, sighing. He knew he’d never get away from the stares and the questions. At least in this new world he wasn’t the biggest monster anymore. Thanks to Negan, he nearly forgot about it entirely. But he still couldn’t get away from it. Someone would always talk about it, and not in the way Negan did. They’d speak with pity and sadness, a delicate matter to sate their curiosity. Whereas Negan was abrasive and raw in a way that inspired Carl to confidence.

He felt Negan step protectively closer and interrupt, “Who should I ask about the traps and wires?”

“That’d be Dale,” Shane pointed down the road toward the treeline. “Dale keeps track of everything around here. He’ll get you sorted.”

“Come on, Carl. Think you can handle some rabbits?” 

“We’ll talk later,” Shane said, patting him on the arm. “And Carl, it’s good to see you again. I mean that.”

With a small smile, Carl nodded and walked away with Negan.

“He doesn’t seem like Satan at least,” Negan said.

Carl huffed a laugh, “Yeah, we’ll see how he acts when it goes down between him and my Dad.”

Negan laughed, “That’s what they need to do. All of them. _Go down._ Get your mom involved. Have a good fuckin’ time. Can’t get jealous in an orgy. Hell, I hope they send me an invite, too.”

“Ugh,” Carl grimaced, “Those are my parents you’re talking about. I don’t want that picture in my head.”

Negan laughed, “You’ve got some good lookin’ parents, what can I say?”

“You’re such a slut,” Carl shook his head in frustration. 

He’d been trying to push away his increasing fear of what would happen when Negan would be around people again. The bubble they’d lived in right after the outbreak was unsustainable, Carl knew that, but he’d had Negan to himself. Negan who’d sneak in his room and kiss him until the world faded away. Who’d encouraged him that they’d make it through, even if it was just the day. Carl had so many fears in the early days, and Negan had been there to see it through with him. Without shielding him from anything, he was honest and frank. And Carl admired and appreciated him for it.

His stomach churned, knowing Negan was no longer his alone. It was only time now that would determine when Negan would find someone new. Someone better. Someone he could use in this world. Carl had to improve. He had to show Negan that he was useful.

Shrugging, Negan said, “Sex is about the only fun left in the world. I hope you get a chance to experience more than just _my_ prick. I mean that. You’re still so young. There might not be as much out there as there was, but life is even shorter now. You find someone you like, you go for it. You understand?”

He sighed, trying to hide the pain the words brought him. Carl was angry that it was the same tired speech he’d been listening to since Negan was in jail. But now there were people in their little world again and the words had meaning. Carl was glad it wasn’t just them anymore, but it worried him for what it meant between them now.

“Is that what you want?” Carl asked, suddenly too insecure to care how needy it came off. “We’re around new people and you’re gonna fuck your way through them all?”

Negan shrugged, “Maybe. I’ve had plenty of fun in this life, though. It’s not as tragic if I go without.” Negan stopped walking and looked him in the eye, “Don’t let anyone hold you back, Carl. I’ve told you that before, and I meant it.”

“I don’t _want_ anyone else, Negan.”

“You don’t _know_ anyone else,” he sighed. Shaking his head in frustration he turned, continuing to walk towards the trees, “Look, I’m just sayin’ if something comes up don’t use me as an excuse not to do it.”

Carl could feel the anger build in his chest. He was so goddamn sick of that conversation and it was worthless anyway. They had far too many other things to worry about but Negan only thought with his dick.

“Oh, hello!” An older man called out to them, “You must be the new guys.”

Negan waved, “I’m Negan. This is Carl. We were hoping to get the rundown of the place and were told that Dale would have all the information we could ask for.”

“Well, you found him,” the man said. “You all made quite a stir comin’ into camp. What can I do for you?”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Negan smiled wide. “So, what’s the lay of the land here?”

“Well,” Dale put his hands on his hips. “The top, where you came from, those are the sleeping quarters. The edge of the woods here is where we start the alarm system. It’s not much, just some twine and some tin cans, but it helps. And the quarry is down the road.”

“Quarry, huh?” Negan asked.

“Yeah, we’re trying to find a more efficient way to catch fish, so if you can be of help with that, we’d sure appreciate it.”

“Sorry,” Negan shrugged. “Never was a fisherman. How many people are here?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Dale scratched his head. “At any given time maybe thirty or so. You’ll meet all of them soon. Nowhere to really go, now. We all stick pretty close. Daryl’s probably the only one to go out alone, otherwise we like to stay in pairs when we can.”

Carl was about to speak when he noticed a young woman walking up the road in their direction. 

Dale turned from the noise of shuffling rocked and smiled, “Sophia! Come meet the new guys!”

She had light brown shoulder length hair and was carrying a bundle of clothes. With a small shy smile she nodded in their direction before Negan introduced themselves to her.

“What can I do for you, darlin'?” Dale asked.

Smiling sweetly, she handed the bundle to him, “Amy asked me to bring this back for you. A few of your shirts. They’re clean.”

“Well, thank you.” Dale turned towards Carl, “Sophia is the sweetest girl you’ll ever meet.” Carl smiled at her, watching in amusement as a faint blush passed over her face. Dale added, “Why don’t you bring them to the quarry and introduce them to everyone there?”

She nodded and they followed her. 

“How old are you, kid?” Negan asked.

“Um, I’m eighteen,” she replied quietly.

“Did you make it through graduation or were you just going to start senior year?”

“I graduated.”

“You’re the same age as Carl, here. Bet you two will have lots in common,” Negan winked at him and lifted his eyebrows.

Scowling at Negan’s taunt, he continued to follow her to the quarry. The land opened to a body of water, larger than Carl was expecting. It was surprising and nice to find the beauty of it tucked away. 

There were several women off to the side washing clothes. Sophia lead them over and quickly introduced them. She dismissed herself quietly. Carl didn’t see where went as he was distracted by the sudden onslaught of questions. Negan answered most of them, which he appreciated until he noticed how the women fawned over him. A few of them laughing and one even placing her hands on his arm, as if he had said the funniest thing they’d ever heard. 

Carl rolled his eye and turned into Negan’s ear, “I’m going for a walk by the water.”

“Don’t go too far, it'll be dark before too long.”

“Yes, sir,” he replied sarcastically. 

As he walked away he heard one of the women laugh to Negan, “Your son is so polite!”

He scoffed, and walked faster, feeling suffocated. He couldn’t be far enough away from Negan and the women preening over him. He knew it would happen and he berated himself for still feeling the pangs of jealousy. His only hope was that once Negan opened his mouth they’d realize what an asshole he was and then he’d get bored and come find Carl.

When he reached the edge of the water he ignored the fading sound of laughter as he searched for flat rocks. Picking them up, he studied the brown flecks in them, feeling the smooth surface with his thumb before throwing them hard against the still water. He watched as they skimmed and jumped across. The sun was starting to fall low, still light enough to see properly but Negan was right, it would be dark soon. Soft crunching footsteps, too delicate to be Negan’s, came from behind him. When he turned, expecting to find his mom or someone new, he saw Sophia.

She smiled pointing to his hand, “That’s cool.”

Carl looked at the rock in his hand, “What, you don’t know how to skip rocks?”

She bit her lip and shook her head.

“I can show you,” he offered handing her the one he had been absently rubbing. 

She took it from him and studied it a moment, smiling at the small stone in her hand. “That’s okay,” she smiled sadly. “But do you mind if I watch?”

Carl shrugged.

She sat to the side of him, rocks shifting and crunching as she crossed her legs. He felt unexpectedly nervous with her watching, like he was under pressure. He hadn’t considered it before when he thought he was alone, but insecurities of his depth perception came to mind. Worried he might embarrass himself, or fuck something up, he took a deep breath and sat down next to her.

“I didn’t mean to-”

Carl interrupted, “No, it’s fine. I’m just tired. It’s been a long-”

“Few months?”

“Yeah,” Carl nodded. “So, what’s your story? Are you here alone?”

Sophia shook her head, “My mom and dad are here too. How about you? Is it just you and your dad?”

Carl laughed and shook his head, “Negan isn’t my dad, but he’s here too. His name is Rick. My mom is Lori, and my little sister Judith, they’re all here.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know there were so many of you,” her voice was soft.

“My dad and Shane used to work together. It’s crazy we found him,” Carl smiled and shrugged. “What does everyone think of him anyway?”

“Shane?” Sophia asked and sighed, “Shane’s fine, I guess. He’s keeps us safe from _them_. He’s better than some of the other men. I don’t like Merle.” She frowned. 

“I haven’t met him yet.”

“You’re lucky, then,” she smiled. She was pretty. It took Carl too long to notice, but she was very pretty. And she seemed older than her years. Like she’d been through more than someone their age should have. More than just the problems from the last few months.

It made his stomach clench to realize she had the same sad smile as he did. He offered his own smile back to her, a small silent comfort between them. 

He wanted to say something else to her, but nothing came to mind. They sat quietly, watching the setting sun. Hues of fiery red and brilliant pinks reflected off the water from the sky. It was beautiful. Carl didn’t expect to ever find beauty and peace in a world as violent as theirs had become.

“Who the hell are you?!” A thunderous voice yelled from behind them. “Get the hell away from my daughter!”

Carl turned, standing quickly. His hand patted at the butterfly knife in his pocket but he swore at himself for not bringing Negan’s knife or his gun. It was a stupid mistake. He watched as an irate middle aged man stormed in his direction.

Sophia stood quickly, “Dad, he’s one of the new-”

“Get back to the tent, Sophia.” She turned, with her head down she walked away. “Look, I don’t give a damn who the hell you or the people you came with are. You stay the hell away from my daughter, you hear me?”

“We were just talking-”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass what you say you were doin’. Just stay away from her you disfigured freak!” He pointed at Carl then turned around and returned to the direction he came from.

Carl turned away, confused, but met Negan’s concerned eyes across the quarry. He watched Negan excuse himself and walked over to Carl.

“What the hell was that?”

“Hell if I know. Sophia’s dad I guess?” Carl answered.

“And people think I’m an asshole?”

"Well, you _are_ an asshole," he replied without heat. Furrowing his brow, he watched from a distance as the man pushed at Sophia to continue walking up the road. Carl shook it from his mind and he followed Negan back to the other women.

“See you met Ed,” one of them said dryly.

“That poor girl. He never lets her out of his sight.”

“Well, we’ve all been through a lot,” another woman said.

“You think that’s all it is?”

They gave each other a knowing glance.

Negan leaned back, “Something more to the story, ladies?”

“No,” a blonde woman replied quickly. Carl remembered someone calling her Amy. “Nothing substantiated, anyway.”

“You’ve seen her come back with the bruises. Carol too.”

“Andrea, we don’t know where they got them from.”

“You really think they’re just running into open doors? Out _here?_ ” Andrea asked.

Amy gave her a hard stare, “No, but it’s not our place.”

“That Ed asshole, is he hurting people?” Negan asked, placing his hand on his hip.

The women continued to share a glance.

“It’s not our business but Ed is a goddamn nightmare. If the walkers took him out I don’t think anyone would miss him, including his daughter and wife,” Andrea replied.

“I’m surprised they haven’t pushed him into a pile of geeks by now,” another woman added.

Carl gave Negan a quick glance. Negan cleared his throat, “Well ladies, it was nice to meet you. I think we’re going to head back to camp before it gets too dark.” He gave them a smile and added, “Come on, Carl.”

Following, he waited until they were far enough away before speaking, “What are you thinking?” 

“You know what the hell I’m thinking,” Negan replied.

“About Ed?”

“About Ed,” he affirmed.

“You want to-” Carl let the question hang. His heart raced at what he was suggesting. Ever since the outbreak he hadn’t spent much time thinking about what he and Negan had done during his senior year of high school. Memories flooded back. Negan standing over bodies, speckled with blood. It excited him to think maybe they could have that once again. If Negan was still interested in that then maybe he’d want to keep Carl around too.

“No, but you keep an eye on her, you hear me? If you find anything out, well, I just might change my mind.”

Carl nodded. 

They returned to the camp in silence, both contemplating everything they had learned over the day. When they made it back to the camper, Rick was napping in the back bedroom. Lori had food waiting for them. Carl was already sick of anything that came from a can, but at least it was something. They ate quickly. Carl leaned back to relax into the sofa that ran along the side of the RV. He listened absently to Negan making small talk with his mom about the people they’d met. It had been a long day on top of months of long days. Exhaustion flowed freely but rest always seemed out of reach.

“Where’s everyone sleeping tonight?” Carl asked, rubbing his face.

Lori looked to Negan, “This is yours, Negan. How do you want to do it?”

Negan stood. With a large smile he grabbed Judith from Lori’s arms, “How’s this little ass kicker doin’, huh? Can’t let you sleep out here, now can we? You need a nice bed for your beauty sleep.”

Carl tried to hold back a tired smile, but Lori’s eyes caught his and he couldn’t help but let it slip through. It was undeniable that Negan was good with kids, even toddlers, and Judith adored him. He spent many hours entertaining her while he was living at their house, and was quite taken with her as well.

“Negan, we couldn’t possibly,” Lori tried.

Negan bounced Judith and she let out a giggle, “I think it’s the best arrangement anyway. You, Rick and Judith in the back room. It’ll be a tight fit but better than being out here. The table and the sofa fold out into beds so Carl and I should be fine.”

“Rick is going to stay up for watch tonight, that’s why he’s sleeping now. So, if you’d rather take the back bed, we can make due out here.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Negan smiled genuinely at Lori.

How Negan acted around his mom confused Carl. At their house, he figured it was a way to keep peace. At first he expected Negan’s flirtatious nature to break through, but he was never anything but respectful. Carl expected sarcasm, but Negan was a paradigm of appreciative sincerity. It genuinely confused Carl how he could behave so differently towards each of his parents. 

“Are you sure?” She asked.

Negan laughed, handing Judith back, “Of course. Carl and I will hold down the fort out here.”

“Well,” Lori eyed him carefully, “If you insist. Anytime you change your mind, let me know. Maybe we can rotate.”

A knock on the door broke through their conversation. Negan opened it to find Shane on the other side. “Rick still want to do the watch? I’m going through the perimeters and I said I’d take him through it.”

“Sure,” Lori said, behind Negan. “Carl can you get him?” She handed Judith back to Negan, “Hold her for a sec?” She slipped past Negan and out the door, shutting it tightly behind her.

“What the hell is that about?” Negan whispered, nodding in Lori’s direction.

Carl shrugged, and walked to the room in the back. He knocked on the partition and called to Rick, waking him up. 

“All right! I’m coming,” he grumbled from behind the partition. 

Returning to the main area, Carl smiled at Negan. “You love her,” he nodded at Judith.

Negan made faces at her, while she laughed. With a singsong voice, he spoke to Judith, “You Grimes kids are just the most adorable things I’ve ever seen.”

Carl rolled his eye. 

“I’m going out tonight,” Negan said in his normal tone.

“Find someone to fuck already?” Carl sat heavily onto the couch as he pretended to hide how much it hurt to hear Negan admit it.

“No,” Negan glared at him. “I want to take the _real_ tour. Shane won’t talk if you’re around. He still thinks of you as a kid. You need to stay here with your mom.”

“What? No,” Carl complained. “That’s bullshit! You said I could start doing more runs now. I want to do a watch shift. I need to get better at killing them.”

“Yeah, Carl, and you can.” Negan smiled wide at Judith as he stuck out his tongue. “But not until after Rick and I understand the fuckin’ rules here. Find out if it’s safe. Not just from the walkers but from the people too.”

Carl looked at him carefully, then whispered, “You’re thinking about Ed?”

“Well, I’m not _not_ thinking about him. I want to know what kind of setup they have going on. Shane letting that girl and her mom get beat? The fuck kind of way is it to run this place?”

Rick came out of the back room, “Where’s Lori?”

“With Baby Daddy,” Negan replied, nodding towards the door. 

Glaring at him, Rick walked over to it and left. 

“You should give him a break with Shane,” Carl said reluctantly.

Negan studied him, before finally smiling and teased, “Alright. Just for _you,_ Carl.”

“Thanks,” Carl replied dryly.

Negan stood and handed Judith off to Carl. He watched Negan move to the front seat of the RV where a backpack was sitting. He dug out the red bandana Carl had seen him take earlier. Tying it around his neck, he pulled on his leather jacket. Grabbing his bat, he turned to Carl and said, “You can figure out these beds right? Have mine ready for me. Probably won’t be so bad having space to ourselves out here.” He winked.

“You mean where my parents can walk out at anytime? Yeah, that’ll be great,” he replied sarcastically.

“Such a little shit,” Negan smiled then walked to the door.

“Wait a second,” Carl called after him.

Sitting Judith carefully on the floor, Carl quickly made his way to Negan. He grabbed his hips and pushed him against the small stove top that no longer worked. Negan’s hands immediately found the back of Carl’s head when they kissed, hard and desperate. Both could hear the mumblings of his parents on the other side of the thin door. 

Carl pulled away first and said, “You have to tell me everything or I’ll just go find it out myself.”

“Sure thing, boss,” Negan teased. He slapped at Carl’s ass then walked out the door.

Maneuvering around the cramped camper, he sifted around his own bag and pulled out the knife Negan had given him. Taking it out of its sheath, he smiled at it. It had been a long day and he could admit he was exhausted. But tomorrow he’d ask Negan to help him train.


	4. Chapter 4

They eventually found a place and routine among the group. When they weren’t protecting the camp, Negan trained with Carl in the woods. Throwing knives mostly, which reminded him of darts in the garage, though stakes were much higher now. They sparred on occasion, but Carl usually ended on his ass with Negan laughing above him. 

Over the next several days they met most of the people living at the camp. He found that Sophia was right about Merle and decided to stay the hell out of his way. His brother Daryl wasn’t as bad but still intimidating. Carl worried Negan might pick a fight with either of them, but even he said it wouldn’t be worth his time.

To Carl’s annoyance, Negan had no problem fitting in. Carl watched him closely as he made himself useful. It was like he was playing a game and Carl just couldn’t understand the rules. He was polite and charismatic. Everyone seemed to like him, especially the women.

One day at the quarry Carl was cleaning his knife when he watched as Negan rushed over to Lori and Judith with a smile. Scooping up his sister and hugging her close, he placed her back down and took her on a walk along the water. She giggled as he let her splash and play in the sand.

Carl was far enough to be forgotten but could still overhear one of the women admit, “That melts my heart. He’s so good with Judith. Look at them.”

He rolled his eye as he scratched at the dried blood from his knife.

“What’s his deal, anyway?” She asked Lori, lacking subtlety.

“What do you mean?” Lori asked.

“Did you know him before all this or meet him on the road? Why was he with you?”

“Oh, he was Carl’s gym teacher. Carl was with him when it happened. He brought him home during the chaos and just stayed. You know how crazy everything was during the outbreak. He’s been a godsend, really. He’s amazing with Judith and he’s good at keeping Carl in line.”

Carl scoffed to himself.

“Oh, he was a teacher? That explains why he’s so good with the kids. Did he have a wife or girlfriend? Did he lose anyone?”

Lori smiled, “I don’t really know. No one he talks about. I think he was married but that was all over before I met him.”

“So, he was living with you? Lucky woman. I definitely wouldn’t mind waking up to him in my house. Rick either.”

Laughing nervously, Lori said, “Well, Rick _hates_ him. I don’t really know why. They give each other a hard time but he’s been nothing but helpful.”

“Honey, he’s jealous,” she replied. “Look at him. A man like that living under your roof? Of _course_ Rick hates him.”

Shaking her head, Lori continued, “It’s more than that. Before the outbreak, Rick sent him to jail for four months.”

“What? Why?”

“Yeah, for assault. They got into some brawl and Rick had him arrested,” Lori nodded to herself as she scrubbed at the clothes in her hand. “He never really told me how it started. Negan gave him quite the black eye, though. Rick was mad as hell for weeks even after he was in jail. Carl really held it against Rick. Didn’t speak to him for at least a month. He really looks up to him, so it broke his heart when he wasn’t in school anymore.”

“And Rick was just fine letting him live in your house after that?”

Lori smiled softly, “I guess they made up. He knows how much he means to Carl. He helped him through his senior year, you know, after his accident. Anyway, having another man around after the outbreak, we weren’t going to turn him away.”

“Honey, I wouldn’t turn him away either!” The women laughed and agreed.

Carl clenched his jaw and tried not to cut himself with his knife. Instead he turned, and walked away from them, the opposite direction of Negan. 

He saw Sophia scrubbing clothes at the edge of the water. Looking around for Ed, he approached cautiously. 

“Hi,” he spoke softly, not wanting to startle her.

She smiled at him through her hair, “Hi.”

“Is it okay if I sit? Is your dad around? I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

“It’s fine. He’s hunting.”

Carl watched her as she worked, dipping clothes in the water, trying to remove stains. The few times they’d talked she hadn’t said much. Carl liked being near her, though. It was soothing and when she smiled at him it made him feel something again. Like he was back in school, before his accident when he was still nervous talking to girls. 

As she extended her arm to grab another shirt Carl noticed the marks on her wrist. At first he thought it was mud but then he saw the pattern, almost like stripes. Bruises, faded but still visible. He inhaled, about to speak but then closed his mouth when she met his eye. She moved her arm quickly away.

“It’s not that bad,” she quietly admitted.

“Sophia,” Carl replied troubled, “How often does he do that?”

“I don’t know,” she shook her head.

“No one stops him?”

She shook her head.

“Do you want him to stop? I can _make_ him stop. Or, you could stay with us. You don’t need to stay with him just because he’s your dad. We can protect you!”

“No, I can’t leave my mom. She gets it worse if I’m not around.”

“She can come too,” Carl tried to reason.

“I-” she stood quickly. “Carl, it’s fine, really.” Grabbing her clothes, she scrambled, “I should go, actually.”

“Sophia, you don’t have to leave.”

She smiled, the same sad smile he was becoming familiar with, “It’s fine, Carl. I’ll see you later.” She turned and walked away.

Carl frowned as he stood. Ed was hurting her and no one was doing a damn thing to stop it. The women told them about it the first day they arrived, but no one did a goddamn thing. 

He sighed to himself in frustration. When he tilted his head, he saw beyond the rim of his hat that Negan returned Judith to Lori. He was smiling and laughing with the women. The ease that washed over Negan while smiling at them so confidently was something Carl would never possess. 

A hopeless, desperation took root in his stomach. He missed knowing Negan was his alone. He missed when he’d sneak in his room at night and kiss him breathless because it was the only good thing left in the world. But now, Carl was just tired, deep in his bones. An exhaustion that took hold like tendrils wrapped and buried in, fighting inside him, forcing him to succumb. And for once he wanted to. Anything to quiet the increasing doubt in his mind. Anything to make it all stop.

He walked past the women, ignoring their laughter and teasing remarks about him and Sophia as he dragged his feet along. Past Negan who turned his dimpled smile in his direction, speaking his name in a question when Carl ached for his reverence. He passed Shane on the road who greeted him warmly. Carl turned abruptly, continuing his walk off path, away from everyone and into the woods. 

Finding a secluded spot he sat on a log and listened to the birds and animals around him. The melodic chattering of nature was only a slight comfort but it was better than being around the camp. Closing his eye he felt the warm breeze across his cheek and could finally exhale his relief. When the choir of the woods fell away and he could hear sticks breaking and the leaves rustling, announcing someone approaching, Carl opened his eye in time to see Negan in front of him, crossing his arms and leaning against a tree.

Negan watched him silently for a moment. Carl waited for the taunt, a teasing jab. Any cutting remark to belittle his thoughts. But they didn’t come.

“You okay?” He finally asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Great,” Carl replied somberly.

“You wanna be alone?”

Carl thought on that a moment. He didn’t know what he wanted so he shrugged.

“You and Sophia seem to be hitting it off,” Negan remarked.

“You were watching?”

Negan smiled and shrugged, “Gotta vet your new girlfriend, right? Make sure she’s good enough for Carl Grimes.”

“She’s getting beat by Ed,” Carl scowled at him. 

“She tell you that?”

“More or less. Carol too. She’s got bruises,” he stood. 

As Carl turned to walk back to the path, Negan grabbed his arm. “Seriously kid, you okay?” He asked, oddly genuine. 

“Not really, Negan,” Carl answered honestly, finally showing in his voice how tired he felt. He shrugged his arm from Negan’s grasp but as he was about to leave, Negan stopped him.

“Shh!” he held a finger to his lips and pointed near the path.

Both of them searched, looking towards faint voices that could be heard a short distance away.

“You should have told me about her, Lori,” Carl recognized Shane’s voice.

“You left, Shane. You made your choice!”

“But if I would have known-”

“What? You would have stayed? If you didn’t want to be with me for _me_ , as messy as it was, why would a baby have made a difference?” 

“Lori, if she’s mine-”

“She’s not,” Lori insisted. “She’s Rick’s. He stayed. _He’s_ raising her.”

“Come on,” Shane spoke quietly. 

Carl could hear their whispers but couldn’t make out any more words. Negan took a few steps to the side, silently trying to avoid leaves, and waved for Carl to follow. Peering around a tree, he saw them. Lori leaning against a tree and Shane crowding in close. 

“You might not want to see this,” Negan whispered to him.

Ignoring him, Carl watched as Lori dropped her scowl and offered Shane a smile. Then a laugh. 

“Fuck you,” she teased, poking him in the chest.

“Yeah,” he smiled, “You used to say something like that back then too.”

She pushed back playfully and spoke too softly for Carl to hear.

Negan whispered, “Should we break them up?” He leaned over and picked up a stick.

“What? No! What are you doing?” Carl muttered.

“They obviously have unfinished business, and unless you want to see _way_ more of that than you already have, we need to break them up.” 

Negan threw the stick before Carl could stop him.

He turned his head to watch Shane and Lori look in the direction of the noise. Shane leaned away from her and they both walked away quickly, back toward the path. 

“What’d you do that for?” Carl pushed Negan, still whispering.

“While _I_ might not mind some live fuckin’, I figured you might get upset seein’ Shane raw dog your mom.”

“She wouldn’t-”

“She has before,” Negan interrupted, “And by the sounds of it they have some unfinished business. I actually feel kind of bad for your dad on this one.”

“Didn’t you used to sleep around on your wife, like, all the time?” Carl took a step away from Negan. “Isn’t that _exactly_ what you do?”

“Yeah, I _did,_ ” he replied calmly but didn’t drop his gaze. Leaning back, he asked, “What the hell has gotten into you anyway? Jesus. You’re whining and bitching all over the place. It ain’t cute, Carl. Are you jealous? Is that _really_ what all this passive aggressive bullshit is about?” 

Carl turned away in embarrassment, tilting his head down so Negan couldn’t see. But Negan grabbed his chin, forcing him to meet his eyes.

“I’m gonna talk real with you, Carl. I’m doing something here at this camp. It’s important. I’m laying plans. And I want you involved in those plans,” he leaned back, “Hell yes, with me every step of the way! That’s my number one goal here. But does that mean shit might go down and I might be steppin’ out for pussy on the side?” He shrugged, “Maybe. I _don’t_ know.”

Crossing his arms in anger, he glared at Negan, “Great. Can you leave me alone now?”

“Is that really what you want here?” Leaning back, Negan said, “You’re not listening to me because you’re hung up on owning my cock. Just for a minute think beyond that. You and me, Carl. This camp? These people? They could be _ours._ Shane doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing here. Everyone agrees. Tryin’ his best and all, but he’s got no foresight. No plan.”

“And you do?” Carl asked skeptically.

Biting his lip, he nodded once.

Carl didn’t understand what he was telling him. Negan could see the confusion on his face when he continued, “You and me, we can build something.”

“What does that have to do with fucking every person you meet?”

Negan laughed, “Not a goddamn thing, which is what I’m tryin’ to tell you. You’re jealous because you think I’m gonna use someone else to get my dick wet, but you’re just wasting energy on the wrong thing. Let’s build a _kingdom,_ Carl!”

“What does that even mean? You want to overthrow Shane?”

“For now it means we play nice to everyone. Yes, flirt with the women. And help out the men. Ingratiate yourself to every single fucker out there. We’re not going to _overthrow_ anyone. They’re going to _beg_ us to take over.”

“That’s what you’ve been doing?” Carl asked.

“It’s the foundation I’m laying. Right now it’s the _only_ thing I’m layin’. I’m not swearin’ my dick to you, Carl. You know I’ve never been like that and I’m not going to insult you by pretending now. But think of the bigger picture here!”

“Why do you want _me_? There have to be so many other people here who could actually help you. Who know how to hunt, and track, and fight.” 

Negan smiled calmly, “You don’t ever ask yourself that fuckin’ question again. What you and I have been through? You’re _mine_ now, Carl. I’ve _seen_ you. I know your dark twisted sick soul, and you know mine. More than that, I _trust_ you. I trust you more than any single fucker left in the world and that's not hyperbole. So, yeah, I might hit the pussy bar from time to time in the future, but I want to build this new life with _you._ How’s that for commitment?”

Shaking his head, Carl replied, “I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“You will.” Carl walked away but Negan followed in step, adding, “You don’t have to understand everything now. But when that time comes and everything sinks in, I want you with me.”

“Whatever you say, Negan.”

They walked back together in silence, which was unusual enough for Negan. Carl considered what he had told him, everything he’d said. He wondered what it would be like if Negan were in control of the camp and he couldn’t see how it would be a good thing. Being responsible for keeping people alive? In charge of going on runs, sending good people to their deaths. Carl didn’t really understand why anyone would _want_ control over their fate. 

He also replayed the other words Negan had said. 

_You’re mine now, Carl._

He wanted to be angry at him for it. It was possessive, worse than Carl’s own jealousy. But he was only angry with himself. Being _Negan’s_ didn’t sound like the worst thing he could think of. 

* * *

Later that evening Carl sat at the fire pit near the tents. Most people congregated around them near dusk, a way to keep track of everyone as the sky grew dark. Mere embers burned to keep attention from the walkers away, but the faint heat they gave off felt good. Shane, Rick, Lori, and Negan joined him with Judith asleep in the RV close by. Andrea and Dale crowded in on one side with Amy next to Shane. Sophia, Carol and Ed were at their own fire several feet away. 

Carl tried to move his head to catch Sophia’s eye to see if she was okay. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping to find. Maybe just reassurance. He ignored Andrea whispering to Lori about his crush on her, as Negan nestled closer against his arm. It was a tight fit around the small fire, so it didn’t look too odd being so close.

Shane and Rick were talking, civilly even, reminiscing about their days in school. Negan was sharing a story with Dale, but his boot rubbed recklessly against Carl’s. It took him a moment to realize it was intentional. Negan’s thigh, flush against his own, and his foot teasing. It reminded him of his visit to the jail. It was the first time he’d seen him in months and he was so scared Negan would reject him. He hadn’t known what his future with Negan would be like, just as he didn’t know now, but he’d had so much more time back then. The thought of losing any of that hurt.

Carl’s heart pounded from the seemingly innocent flirtation. It was just a foot sliding along his, but it was in the open. Any one of the others could watch, could see exactly what Negan was doing. How he made Carl sweat and quicken his pulse. He stared at the glowing embers, glad the quickly darkening sky would cover any blush he could feel burning high on his cheeks. 

“Isn’t that right, Carl?” Negan smiled, those damned dimples and white teeth mocking him in front of the whole camp.

“What?”

“I said, you took out three of the walkers the other day. Didn’t you?”

Shrugging, “Wasn’t hard when they were already on the ground.”

Negan’s eyes bared him. Stripped him down until the camp fell away and nothing was left but them. He watched, wide eyed as Negan licked his lip. The attempt to hold onto his anger slid through his fingers when all Negan had to do was look at him like that. Like at any moment he’d throw him into the dirt and fuck him raw for the world to see. 

“Wasn’t _hard_?” Negan teased. Leaning in to whisper for only Carl to hear, Negan said, “I know you’re pissed at me but all I can think about is you fuckin’ my throat so hard that I won’t be able to speak for days.” He pulled farther away and turned back to Dale, “He’s just being modest. The kid may only have one eye, but that fucker is a sharp shooter. I’m warning you now, if he asks you to play a round of darts you better just pass or he’ll hustle you out of your money.”

“That right, Carl?” Shane asked, smiling easy.

He shrugged. It was probably true, but throwing darts wasn’t the same as taking down walkers.

“We’re gonna work on moving targets next,” Negan added. “I’ve never seen a kid adjust so easily. He uses his rage and frustration when he’s training. It’s smart. And he’s resourceful as hell.” 

“ _Dad._ ” Carl froze, his heart stopped. “I mean, _Negan,”_ he corrected quickly, but it was too late.

He felt the eyes of everyone staring at him for fucking up. Jesus fuck, he called Negan _Dad._ He was too afraid to look, too afraid see the limitless ammunition of taunts he’d just handed over, smirking behind those familiar eyes. 

The others around the camp laughed quietly. 

Carl groaned as he heard Negan reply, “Shit, now I feel like I’m right back in school. I couldn’t go a day without a student accidentally callin’ me ‘dad.’ Way to make me feel old, Carl.” He patted him on the back.

And that was it. 

It was painless. The rest of the camp continued to laughed politely and Negan carried on talking to Dale like nothing had happened. Like the most mortifying words in existance hadn’t just escaped his lips.

His heart was still pounding and he wanted to die, but Negan wasn’t bullying him or making fun of him in front of the group. Carl gathered the small bit of courage he had and glanced at Rick who was giving him a tense look, but otherwise shaking it off. He continued to talk to Lori.

And Lori, he now noticed, was looking a bit flustered herself as she glanced back to Shane. And fuck, Carl really didn’t want to be in the middle of _that._

He stood up abruptly. “I gotta pee,” he announced lamely, then walked away from the burning embers and towards the treeline.

After he relieved himself he heard a loud nose and looked back to camp. It was Shane’s raised voice with Ed stomping away and Sophia and Carol in tow. They walked in the direction of their tent but stopped at the tree line near Carl. He hid behind a trunk and listened as they argued.

Carol pushed closer, “No, Ed. _I’m_ here okay. Leave her out of it.”

“Woman, you best not be in my way right now. You keep asking for a beating, don’t be surprised when you get one!”

“Ed,” Carol lifted her hands cautiously and stepped closer. “Me, okay? _Not_ Sophia. Please.”

“Get in the fuckin’ tent,” he pushed her down and opened the tent climbing in.

Carl wanted to run to her, to help, to pull Ed away, but he froze. He wished Negan was with him. Negan would know what to do.

Carol appeared to be holding back tears. She spoke quietly to Sophia from the ground, “Honey, can you go get me a wet rag?”

“Yes, Mama,” she replied sadly, and turned to leave. 

Carol crawled in and zipped the tent behind her. 

After Sophia left and it was safe to move, Carl hurried over to Negan who was standing, both fires now extinguished. He grabbed his arm and pulled, demanding, “Come on!”

When the were far enough from the rest of the group, Negan leaned in, “Jesus fuck, Carl, I nearly flooded my jeans. You callin’ me _Daddy_ in front of the whole fuckin’ group? Just announcing it to everyone? _Fuck._ And did you see the look on Rick’s face-”

“Shut up,” Carl stopped and held his hand over Negan’s mouth. “I think Ed is going to beat Carol. I didn’t know what to do!” 

Moving to the trees and maneuvering the long way, Carl grabbed his hand and lead Negan to the tent he’d seen them go into, farther from all the others. It was shaking. Whimpering sounds could be heard from inside.

“You quiet the hell down. I don’t need those assholes askin’ questions again, you hear me? You shut the fuck up or I’ll wait until Sophia gets back and finish with her.”

“No, Ed,” Carol cried, “I’ll be quiet.”

The noises stopped but the tent still moved, rhythmic and dark.

“What should we do?” Carl asked Negan. “We need to stop him!”

“No, just wait. Follow me,” Negan walked further into the woods. “Look, this isn’t new, what’s going on between them.”

“That makes it worse! We _have_ to help her.”

“No, hear me out. That fucker is done. We’re punching his ticket. But we’re gonna be smart about this one, alright Carl?”

“What do you want to do?”

“We’re just gonna wait here a minute, alright?”

Negan found a log and sat. He grabbed Carl’s arm and forced him down. Carl stared at the tent in the distance, not taking his eye off of it for even a moment. Glaring angrily that they were just letting her get hurt inside. 

“You know,” Negan whispered, “If you ever _want_ to call me Daddy while we’re-”

“Shut the fuck up, Negan,” he sighed, “It was an _accident._ ”

“It was hot as hell, kid. Right away I had this picture of you wearin’ your little cowboy hat, riding my dick. It gave me a chubby is all I’m sayin’. I’d still be sporting wood if we weren’t waitin’ this out.”

“Why _are_ we? If he’s hurting her, why aren’t we barging in?”

Negan shook his head, “What he’s doing to her now, it’s not the first time. She’s tough and can handle a few more minutes. I’ve been givin’ this some thought, even before now. Ed has to go. A few others on the list too. I wasn’t planning on Ed tonight, but tonight it is.”

“You have a list?”

Negan smiled and gave a slight nod.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“You’ve been an asshole lately, Carl. I was givin’ you your space. You want back in, you just tell me.”

“Yeah, I want in!” 

“You have no qualms about murdering your girlfriend’s daddy?”

He thought a moment, “I- I don’t want to hurt her but-” 

“But that fucker needs to die,” Negan bumped him with his shoulder. “Well, if you’re in, then you’re in for it tonight.” He lifted his bat and set it over his shoulder, “Lucille’s gettin’ thirsty.”

“You named your bat?” Carl’s eye dropped to it then back to Negan.

“I want to keep her memory alive. Something of her I can take with me in this fucking hell. Fuck off.”

Carl smiled, “It’s kind of adorable, Negan. You’re naming a murder weapon after your wife. I’m sure she’d feel honored.”

“You know,” he spoke quietly. “For the first time in, well, _ever,_ I’m glad she’s not alive. Fuck. I damn near have a panic attack even thinking about what it would be like for her in this world. I see how Rick is with you and Lori and Judith. I think about how crazy it would make me, constantly lookin’ over my shoulder, trying to keep her alive. We’ve been lucky- _You’ve_ been lucky. You have your family still. But luck can turn faster than a motherfucker out here. I don’t envy what you stand to lose.” He took a deep breath, “Don’t get all weird about it, but Carl, I’d lose my fuckin’ mind if you got turned into one of those fucks. Sometimes I feel like you’re all I have from before. And I want to hold onto that as long as I can.”

Carl didn’t know what to say. His declaration was surprisingly sincere and it calmed something inside of him that had been worrying at him the previous days. It also made more sense why Negan was naming his bat after his wife, trying to remember the life before but continue on with their new reality.

“If we do this,” Negn interrupted his thoughts, “Are you going to be able to go through with it?”

“What, you think I’m going to get cold feet all of a sudden? I was the one talking you into it before. It’s not like he’s our first.”

“Sixth by my count. But he’s different. We didn’t know those other assholes. We _know_ him. We’re going to have to live everyday with the aftermath. Sophia and Carol likely hate his ass, but that doesn’t mean they won’t still be upset. Can you live with that? Seein’ them day in and day out, eyes red from crying, knowing you caused it?”

He thought for a moment, trying to understand if their justifications were good enough. “Can you?” He asked.

“Yep,” Negan replied. He bumped Carl’s shoulder. “Wait, quiet!” Negan stood quickly, “I think he’s done.

Carl could vaguely see Ed standing from the tent and walking towards the trees.

“Ready kid? You got your knife? Walk a bit farther in, far enough so the tent is barely visible. Stay there.”

Negan walked quietly away in the direction of Ed. A faint glow of a cigarette appeared in front of his mouth. Negan cleared his throat, announcing his presence as he approached. 

“Fuck. You have cigarettes? What’s it gonna take to get one from you?” Negan asked putting on a false smile.

Ed inhaled, narrowing his eyes, “Nothin’ you can afford to part with.”

“Jesus,” Negan smiled, “Just asking for one cig. Fine. But once you get desperate don’t ask for any of my MREs I have stashed.”

“How many you got?” 

“Enough,” Negan smiled.

Ed looked him over skeptically, “Three for one.”

“One cigarette? Fuck you,” he nodded. “Then again,” he shrugged leaning back, “Who knows the next time I’ll be able to have one.” Negna pursed his lips, “You drive a hard bargain but you got it.”

Ed opened his pack and gave one to Negan. Flipping the lighter, he allowed Negan to take a drag. 

“I want those MREs first thing tomorrow.”

“I’m good for it. And if I’m not, you know where to find me.” Negan inhaled deeply, hollowing out his cheeks, “Fuck, I didn’t even smoke that much before but knowing I can’t now makes me crave it like motherfucker.”

Ed nodded in agreement. 

“Say,” Negan smiled, “Sophia’s your girl, right? Carl’s pretty infatuated with her. All he ever talks about, ‘Where’s Sophia? Sophia is so pretty! Think Sophia would like this rock?’” Negan laughed. “I saw him out in the woods looking thoroughly debauched. Ah, to be young again,” he paused before blowing smoke to the side. “At least the kids can still find something good to hold onto in this world, you know?”

“What the hell did you say?”

“Sophia and Carl? Didn’t you know? Don’t worry about Carl, he’s a good kid. Your daughter is in good, albeit _inexperienced,_ hands.”

Ed flicked his cigarette to the ground, “He’s been touchin’ my daughter?”

Negan laughed, “Doin’ a lot more than _touching_. Ask him yourself.” He pointed to the woods. Negan grinned as he watched Ed stomp into it, nearly disappearing.

Carl stood ready as they both walked closer.

“Where are you you little shit!” Ed called out.

Remaining silent, Carl backed further in, ensuring to make noise so Ed could follow. Making it into a small clearing, he waited, finger itching next to his knife.

Ed broke through first, “You been touchin’ Sophia?”

Carl looked over his shoulder, to Negan behind him. 

“He _wants_ to,” Negan breathed over Ed’s shoulder. “I don’t think he even knows it yet but he wants to sink deep into her too hot cunt and feel her writhe on the end of his dick.” He flicked his cigarette on the ground.

Turning to Negan, Ed threw a punch which Negan easily evaded, “No one talks about my daughter like that! No one!”

“Oh, she’s all yours huh? Fuckin’ sick as hell, man. I mean, I always thought fucking a student was bad but shit, at least he’s not my own. How long have you been fuckin’ her, Ed? How long have you been fucking your own goddamn daughter. You sick fucking fucker.”

Negan swung his bat, his _Lucille_ , and it connected hard into Ed’s skull. He dropped immediately. His arm twitched as he groaned on the ground.

Walking over to Carl, Negan spoke softly, “You know where that tracker is?”

“Daryl?”

“Yeah, was he at camp today?” 

“I don’t think so. I think he went scavenging with his brother.”

“Good,” Negan nodded. “What the hell are we going to do with him?” He pointed his bat at Ed. “I mean, I know we’re gonna kill him, but what about the body? Second the tracker gets back here he’ll see there was a scuffle."

“We can cover our tracks. Walk around a bunch tomorrow, make it too hard to trace.” 

“Yeah, we’ll have to do that,” Negan agreed. He looked at Carl, “It’s so easy now. I mean, we can just kill this fucker and I can fuck you next to his corpse without worrying about a goddamn thing. No hiding bodies. No jailbait ass to feel guilty about. Without the threat of the law the whole thing doesn’t really even get my prick hard.” Negan laughed, “Well, that’s a lie. I got a couple twitches.” He winked at Carl.

Carl leaned close and asked, “You need me to call you _Daddy_ to get it up now? My teenage ass isn’t enough, you need some role play?”

Biting his lip, Negan groaned. “Oh, you little shit, I felt that in deep in my balls. Come here,” he grabbed Carl and kissed him hard, his tongue pushed deep into his mouth. He tasted like cigarettes and it made Carl's heart race. When he pulled away Negan rested his forehead against his, “You’re such a sarcastic asshole. I fuckin’ love it.”

Ed moaned on the ground and both turned to watch him reaching out his limbs, scratching into the dirt.

“Is he dead? Did he turn?” Carl asked.

“Fuck you,” Ed scratched weakly on the ground.

Negan crouched next to him. “No, he will not be fucking you. You know who he will be fucking? After you die, that is-” Negan flashed his cocky grin, “Probably Sophia. And maybe I’ll take a shot of that wife of yours. I bet she’s never had an orgasm in her life that didn’t come from something that wasn’t battery operated. What do you think, Ed? You ever make a woman squeal, I mean from something other than fear and disgust?”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you,” Ed grunted.

“What do you think, Carl?”

“I think he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with,” Carl smirked.

“I think you’re right.” 

Negan raised his bat and drove it down hard against his back. Ed moaned in pain, collapsing into the ground. The barbed wire on Lucille dug into his clothes and flecks of blood coated it. There wasn’t much moonlight and it was dark under the cover of the trees but Negan looked other worldly. The way his leather jacket stretched over the muscles in his arms as he lifted the bat. The dark determination in his eyes, ready for the final kill, he drove Lucille down hard and Carl heard the bone breaking crack of his skull.

The forest was quiet.

The camp, too far to hear or see. 

They were alone, with Negan holding a dripping baseball bat and Carl admiring the view.

“Is he going to turn?” Carl asked.

“Not sure. I think I got his brain,” his chest heaved from exertion.

Fuck, Carl missed this. He’d seen Negan go feral more often than he cared to since the outbreak, but this was different. He was controlled and calculating. Virile and driven. And when he dropped the bat and stepped over Ed’s body, his hands were at Carl’s zipper, forcing his pants down and grasping firmly onto his dick. 

Carl sighed into Negan’s mouth, tongue passing over the faint taste of cigarettes and never too familiar taste of him. In that moment Carl wanted to cry at how much he’d missed it. Realizing how much he had yearned for the impatient, frantic need to have Negan stroking him with one hand and pulling off his bandage with the other.

“Fuck, fuck,” he breathed over Carl’s lips, “I want to fuck you in the ass so hard right now.”

Carl laughed, “No one’s stopping you.”

“No lube,” Negan dropped to his knees, “Too impatient.” He dropped to his knees.

Hot, wet heat enveloped his cock as Negan sucked him hard. Nearly more pain than pleasure, but it was Negan and it was perfect. Carl grabbed at the back of Negan’s head and the words he’d said early echoed in his mind.

_All I can think about is you fuckin’ my throat so hard that I won’t be able to speak for days._

Negan’s hands massaged his balls as he swallowed Carl’s cock deeper into his throat, and Carl fell into him. He thrusted forward, looking for more pressure, chasing the heat of his mouth. Wanting to fuck hard and fast enough to destroy whatever was left of himself that was good under the blanket of the trees in the cool of the night.

He felt Negan moan around him, strong vibration going straight to his balls. And Carl was close, so close to coming. 

He heard another groan and opened his eye in time to see Ed’s body twitch. 

“Shit,” he sighed, fucking into Negan’s throat harder. 

Negan grabbed his ass and held him tight, swallowing around his cock as Carl’s erratic thrusts became even less focused.

“Negan, I’m gonna-” he tried to keep his eye on Ed, arm starting to move, but as Negan held him tightly into place, he came deep in his throat while squeezing his eye shut.

His breath was uneven as Negan licked at his too sensitive skin.

As he tucked him back in, Carl said breathlessly, “Ed’s back.”

Negan turned his head, “Goddamn it!” 

He grabbed the knife strapped to Carl’s leg and stood. Stomping over to the now crawling corpse, Negan stabbed it in the back of the skull.

Turning back to Carl, he asked calmly while smoothing his hair back, “Now, where were we?”

Carl grabbed his bandage laying on the ground, “We should get back before my parents start freaking out.”

“Rick saw you drag me into the woods like a bitch in heat. Think he knows to cover for us.”

Smirking, Carl walked closer to Negan. He pulled at his belt, opening it as he dropped his bandage, suddenly forgotten. Working his zipper down hard, Carl pushed his hand into Negan’s pants and smiled as Negan hissed while he wrapped his fist around his hard cock. So fucking hard and as he flexed his fingers around him the silky heat pulsed back appreciatively in his hand. 

Laughing playfully, Carl leaned into him, “Didn’t think you could stay hard this long.” 

Negan leaned back, showing off his dimples in a smile, “Oh, I can keep it up plenty long.”

Carl narrowed his eye at him and dropped to his knees. Pulling his dick out, Carl grasped him firmly and lightly brushed his lips against the tip. He looked up at Negan as he kitten licked the tip tasting the wetness beading on top. 

Watching Negan with a devious glint in his eye, he asked, “So you want me to call you _Daddy?_ Ask you to _fuck me, Daddy?_ ” 

Negan closed his eyes and groaned.

Carl’s tongue trailed around his red tip then he sucked lightly on the head of Negan’s cock. He pulled away slowly and kissed down the length, tender and barely there caresses from pillowy soft lips. He trailed his tongue down, gently massaging his balls, and Carl licked over them, kissing them softly. Enjoying the singular scent that could only be Negan. 

“Open your eyes,” Carl demanded.

He listened to the order, blinking down as Carl reverentially worshiped his cock, just like Negan claimed everyone should. But only Carl could do what he had planned next. Only Carl could hold his cock with such deference as he caressed it delicately against his cheek.

“Fuck,” Negan breathed, biting his lip, “Are you gonna-”

Carl massaged his cock with one hand, slowly and deliberately. Only enough to frustrate Negan as he guided the tip around the scarred tissue of his wound, smearing the leaking tip into the toughened skin. Over his cheekbone, along his temple, teasing him with his socket.

“Fuck, Carl,” Negan stared down at him in awe. 

Carl moved his cock to his lips, nuzzling it before tonguing again at the tip. Letting the head pop slowly in and out between his lips before licking down the shaft and aiming it back towards his wound. He knew how much Negan got off on it, and here he was practically fucking it as Carl guided his cock to trace where his eye should be. Teasing him with it and pulling away again to take him deep into his mouth.

“Fuck, fuck,” Negan’s stomach fluttered and his hand landed on Carl’s shoulder for support.

Smiling around his dick, Carl pulled away but kept his lips on the tip. As he stroked with his other hand he felt Negan throbbing in his hand, still not enough pressure to get him off. 

Bringing his tongue to his balls, Carl kissed and licked and sucked gently as the skin pulled tight, twitching in his hand. Again rubbing the tip of his cock along the scarred skin on his cheek. Shamelessly trailing the tip, leaving strands of cooling come as his cockhead teased the toughened flesh.

“You’d fuck it if you could, Negan,” Carl breathed. “Just another slit for you cock?”

Negan whimpered but before he could answer, Carl guided his dick into his mouth and with purpose began to suck. He stroked Negan through it. He was so hard and large in his fist and in his mouth. And, yeah, Carl worshipped him. The cock that made him feel invincible. In that moment he was Carl’s, The swearing and breathing and shaking from the man above was all because of Carl’s own filthy mouth. The way he knew how to play to Negan’s sickest fantasies. And Carl wanted nothing more than to encourage it. Wanted to be used by Negan too. Pinned down and fucked hard enough to leave marks.

The body was still cooling on the ground next to them as Negan’s hips thrust absently into Carl’s mouth and he spilled over his tongue.

Carl swallowed everything he could wring from Negan then carefully tucked him back into his pants.

And Negan, still out of breath, slid to the ground and wrapped his hands around Carl’s head, pulling him into a kiss. Fighting to taste himself on Carl’s tongue. It had never been more perfect between them. Clinging to each other in desperation. In hope. In an overwhelming cloud of fear at the uncertainty of the future.

Carl knew how much he loved him and how terrified he was to lose him, and in moments like these, with Negan kissing him as desperate as he felt, something inside eased, even if only for the moment.

They tried to be quiet when they returned to the RV, Negan with a pack of cigarettes tucked into his jacket. Lori and Rick were still awake, waiting for Carl’s return before retiring for the evening. Carl was expecting Negan to antagonize Rick, but postcoital Negan seemed to be more amenable. Carl put that thought away for later. 

Watching shyly as Negan pulled his shirt over his head and stepped out of his jeans, Carl couldn’t help when the heat flooded back making his own pants feel too tight once again.

When Negan caught him, he smiled and knowingly whispered, “My heart’s still pounding from before, kid. You are one _twisted_ fuck.”

Carl shrugged. Lying down on his bed, he smiled at Negan, “That’s why you love me.”

“You’re fuckin’ psycho,” Negan laughed and nodded, “But you have a point.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by that time in grade school I called my teacher "mom" on accident and how I still lie awake at night in agony when I think about it.


	5. Chapter 5

Carl woke earlier than his parents the next morning, though Negan had already left the camper. Scrambling to put on his clothes, he grabbed his weapons, attached them properly, and snuck quietly from the RV. He guided the screen door shut carefully before it could slam behind him and wake everyone up as he left. 

He adjusted his hat as he looked toward the rising sun between the trees. It was calm and quiet while he walked along the row of other cars and tents and campers. Dale waved at him cheerfully from the top of his camper, and Carl offered a small silent smile in return before continuing to the quarry.

Second thoughts of killing Ed barely passed his mind in the night, but when he woke it was his immediate concern. He wondered who would find him and what they’d say. What would everyone think? How hurt would Sophia be? 

She didn’t deserve to lose her father but she also didn’t deserve the abuse he’d put her through. Carl tightened his hand into a fist as he thought about what Negan had said, how Ed may have had been raping her. He didn’t know if it was true. Hadn’t even considered the possibility until Negan brought it up. 

But the thought of it made him rage inside. 

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sudden splashing sound in the quarry, followed by laughter. A  _ familiar _ laugh, he knew all too well. 

Carl narrowed his eye as he came into view of Negan bathing in the water, splashing Andrea whose head was barely sticking out. His heart stopped as he watched Negan swim closer to her, leaning in and she smiled back, laughing easily.

It was one thing to know Negan was doing it, flirting with the women, but to see it so obviously displayed in front of him made his heart ache. Anger welled as his blood rushed and all he wanted was to get as far away as possible. 

But when he turned to leave, Negan spotted him and called out, “Carl!”

Reluctantly, he faced them. He watched Negan come closer to shore as Andrea sank lower in the water. Andrea said something to him and Negan replied, but Carl couldn’t make out what was said. He watched with a sharp eye as Negan stood from the water, revealing himself to be fully naked as he walked to the beach.

Carl closed his eye in exasperation and turned away. He heard Negan’s laugh as he approached, “Shit, look at you blushin’ like you haven’t had your lips around my dick more times than either one of us could count.”

Sighing, Carl looked him in the eye, “That’s different. We don’t usually have an audience.”

Bolstering, Negan laughed then leaned close to whisper, “You  _ know  _ that’s a fuckin’ lie. You  _ like _ an audience, Carl. Don’t deny it  _ now. _ ”

Stepping nervously to the side, he looked at Andrea watching them in the water. “Not like that,” he nodded in her direction.

Negan smiled, “You should get in. It’s nice. Colder than a bitch at first, but then it’s good.”

“Clothes!” Andrea yelled to Negan.

Carl furrowed his brow, “ _ She’s  _ not wearing-”

Smiling wide, Negan shrugged, “Join us. I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“Fuck you, Negan.” 

“Calm down, asshole,” Negan sighed, “Nothing happened between us.”

“Yeah, yet. Totally friendly naked bathing session,” he rolled his eye and walked away just as Negan reached down for a towel.

“Carl!” Negan called after him, “We need to talk!”

He ignored him as he continued away from the water. When he was far enough from the beach, he chanced looking back to see Andrea with a towel wrapped tightly around her. Negan had boxers and a white t-shirt on, but they were still leaning into one another, smiling effortlessly.

Negan told him explicitly that he was going to be flirting. Probably fucking. But seeing it for himself was too much. 

What they had done the night before was beyond any relationship or connection he could match with the people here.  _ They _ didn’t know Negan, not the way he did. Negan told him as much. But it still hurt seeing how it wasn’t enough for him. How Negan still needed something else. Something more that Carl couldn’t give.

He thought again to Ed. He wondered if Sophia was awake. If Carol was worried that Ed never returned. The rest of the camp was peaceful as he walked with intention to their tent. He avoided going near the woods, staying on the road as he approached. 

It too was quiet and calm, like the rest of the camp, so he decided to make himself useful. He walked along the main road, searching for sticks for kindling and logs that would be good on the fire then brought them to the pits. He checked traps, resetting them as needed, all the while ignoring festering thoughts of Negan and Andrea together. 

“Hey, Carl!” 

He turned to see Shane waving him over. Brushing his hands off on his jeans, he walked over. “Hi,” he greeted. Carl knew he needed to keep peace with Shane but he really didn’t have anything he’d like to say to the man.

“We haven’t had a chance to talk much since you got here, man.”

Carl gave him a small smile, unsure of what else to say.

“Your mom tells me you’re getting good with the knives.”

“My mom?” He tenses. “She doesn’t want me out there.”

“Well, she’s not happy about it, but you should hear the way she brags about you. Negan’s almost as bad. So, you wanna show me what you got or what?”

Studying his eyes, Carl tried to figure out what Shane wanted from him. But when he saw Negan in the distance, he quickly nodded his head and agreed, allowing Shane to bring him into the woods. 

Practicing throwing knives with Shane was different than with Rick or Negan. It was like Shane was trying to impress him, while Carl tried not to miss the target mostly because an overthrown one was a bitch to retrieve. Shane cheered for him when he landed a good blow and gave him tips when he missed. He didn’t try to ask about his eye this time, which Carl was grateful for. He did, however, try to ask about Lori. 

As soon as she came up, Carl tensed. Shane’s whole manner of speaking changed. He became agitated and on edge, but with a false presentation of ease. He was fishing for information and Carl didn’t appreciate it. Maybe Shane noticed his unease, he tried to reign it back in. But he’d shown his hand. Shane was still interested in Lori and he hoped like hell his mom had gotten that out of her system. In this world, violence surrounding them daily, they didn’t need the drama. Survival was hard enough. 

“You’re not so bad, Carl. Guess your Mama was right. You should come with us on our next run.”

“Really?” He smiled, relieved at the change in conversation.

“Yeah, man. We could use the help.” Shane threw one of his own knives, “You know, everyone around here talks about you and Sophia.” He smiled knowingly as he handed him the rest of the knives.

Carl furrowed his brow. “Yeah, so I’ve heard.”

“I’m proud of you,” he teased, nudging into his shoulder. “But you be good to her. She’s a sweet girl.”

“We’re not-” he shook his head, “I don’t like her like that. We’re just friends.”

“Sure,” Shane flashed him a cocky smile. “That’s how it starts.” He added, “You know, when I was about your age I was hooking up with my teacher.”

Carl stumbled and stared at him.

“What? You don’t believe me?” Shane asked. “Ask your dad about Mrs. Kelly. Girl’s volleyball coach.” He laughed, “If Sophia ain’t doin’ it for you, you find yourself an older woman and they’ll show you a good time. Promise you that. Hell, you deserve to have yourself a good time.”

Narrowing his eye, he asked, “Did my dad tell you to say that? Did he tell you about-”

“About what?”

Carl shook his head quickly, “Nevermind.” He handed the knives back, “I think I should be going. See if my mom needs anything.”

“Aw, come on, Carl! We’re just shootin’ the shit here. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. You’ll find someone, even in this fucked up place.”

Carl laughed incredulously, “I’m good, Shane.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, Carl. It’ll happen for you when the time is right.”

“I’m not a virgin,” he replied defensively. 

“Seriously?” Shane asked incredulously. He put his hands on his hips and looked him over before shaking a finger in his direction, “I never would have thought, to be honest. You’re so reserved. Was it before your accident?”

“After,” Carl replied dully but with bite. He didn’t like the insinuation that no one would want him after he became disfigured.

“Carl!” Negan’s voice called to him.

Sighing to himself, Carl reluctantly turned as he approached.

“I was lookin’ all over for you,” he smiled. “How are you doin’ Shane?”

“We’ve just been working on knife throwing. Kid’s got a hell of an aim. He needs to come out with us on the next run.”

“That’s what I’ve been sayin’,” Negan wrapped his arm around Carl’s shoulder. 

Still feeling the pain of seeing him naked with Andrea, Carl shrugged out of his arm. 

Negan gave him a hard look and said, “We need to talk. Carol’s worried about Ed.”

“Did he not make it home last night? Sometimes he finds a car to crash in if they’ve been fighting. Guess it is getting a little late in the day for that. She think something bad happened?”

“I don’t know,” Negan shrugged. “She just said to keep an eye out. And I thought, if anyone is keepin’  _ one eye _ out, it’s our Carl here. I saw him wandering earlier and thought he might have bumped into him.”

Shooting him a perturbed glare, Carl shook his head, “Sorry. I haven’t seen him today.”

“Maybe we should go talk to Rick?” Negan said pointedly. 

Carl wasn’t sure of whatever he had planned, but nodded. He wasn’t ready to follow Negan like a little dog, so instead he replied, “I’ll meet you over there.”

Negan inhaled and shook his head before leaving.

Gripping one of the knives tightly, Carl threw it at his target, a direct hit.

Shane whistled, “Good one, man. So what the hell do you think of that guy?”

“Negan? He’s alright.” 

“You seem pissed as hell at him.”

“He tells me that’s my constant state,” Carl joked dryly.

“I don’t like him,” Shane admitted. “Andrea talks about him too much. Hell, all the girls do. Even your mom goes on about him. I mean, I get that he’s great around camp but he’s on the edge of stirrin’ up some major shit. I can feel it. Guy like that? Bet he loves all this chaos. We see his kind all the time at the jail. You learn to spot ‘em. Rick can’t stand him either. And your dad, besides our differences, your daddy is a good judge of character.”

Carl nodded politely, “Yeah, they don’t get along. I like him, though.” Clearing his throat, he continued, “I should probably get back to our camp. See what’s going on with Ed. Thanks for training with me.” Carl handed the knives back to Shane.

“I suppose I should check in on Carol. See if this is a real emergency or just another domestic incident.”

Fighting against himself, Carl forced a polite smile and walked away. It didn’t take long before he found Negan waiting for him, not too far from their RV.

“Come with me,” Negan demanded.

For a brief moment Carl wondered what it would be like to be done with him. Not have to follow his orders. Not have to deal with the teasing jabs. But he also wouldn’t have anyone left to share his  _ hobby. _ There were so many things about their old lives that he missed, and Carl knew how sick it was to ache for the days when he’d brought Negan a list of names. A list of future victims. More than anything he wanted the thrill of the hunt and the ecstasy of the kill. 

Negan, staring at him expectantly, seemed to realize Carl’s hesitation. He sighed and said nicely, “Please.”

Swallowing back his resentment, Carl held out his hand, “Lead the way, then.”

They walked without talking at first, back into the woods. When they were far enough from camp, Carl asked, “Why are we going back out here?”

Negan whispered, “The tracker might check and see out footprints. And I don’t want to leave him here, so I have an idea. We need to be seen going out here. It needs to be before we talk to Rick.”   


“You’re going to tell him we found him?”

“Yeah, that way we can move on quickly from this. I don’t want any suspicion of foul play. We found him as a walker and I stabbed him. If Tracker sees our steps it’ll just be assumed it was in the scuffle. It’s a good thing he turned. Would have been a hell of a lot more difficult to explain just a dead body.”

“Why do you need me?”

“Witness? Moral support? Maybe I just missed you,” Negan smiled.

“Maybe you should keep your naked dick away from other people if you miss me so much.”

Negan raised his eyebrows, “I know what that looked like earlier and, yeah, Andrea is a fine looking woman, but we were just flirting. You can get a lot of information by flirting. You know she and Shane are fuckin? Well,  _ were _ , until Lori comes strollin’ into camp. She said he barely gives her five minutes these days. She was feeling a little  _ neglected. _ ”

“Charitable guy you are, you can’t help but to cheer her up,” Carl replied sarcastically.

“You know me so well, Carl,” he smiled wide, showing his dimples.

When they reached the body, Carl didn’t know what to expect. Negan had mostly dealt with all the bodies  _ before. _ In the  _ after _ they had mostly left the dead wherever they found them. Ed was different. They  _ knew _ him. They knew he’d be missed. 

Staring at his cold remains on the ground, eyes dead and open, blankly staring out, Carl’s back tingled and he shivered. This was what he wanted, but Negan was right, it wasn’t the same as  _ before. _

“Think we’ve spent enough time being properly horrified at finding the reanimated corpse of our dearly departed asshole? About enough time to emotionally process it and put the fucker down? Seems about right to me. Now, let's go find Rick.”

Before Negan could turn and leave, Carl said, “Wait!” He pulled at the front of his shirt, trying to wrinkle it, and reached his hand into his hair. 

Negan leaned forward to kiss him, and Carl reluctantly let him. With his free hand he grasped his fist tighter in his shirt, and shoved him back against the nearest tree. Forcing his tongue into his mouth, he fought against Negan. Holding him firmly in place. Then abruptly, he broke the kiss. 

Carl let go of his shirt but still reaching up he held tight to his hair, tilting his head back, baring his throat. It was tempting, how he wanted to scrap his teeth against the tender flesh of his neck. Negan always was tempting. But this wasn’t why they were out there. Reluctantly, he let go, pulling fully away. Quickly he reached down and grabbed a fist of dirt. Brushing both hands with it, he scratched at the front of Negan’s shirt. With a smug smile, he wiped the remaining dirt off on his face as Negan gave him a stern look.

“What?” Carl shrugged. “You needed to look like you just fought him off.”

“I just cleaned up, you asshole.”

“You want it to look believable, don’t you?”

Negan glared at him, then stomped away. Carl with a small smile, they walked briskly out of the woods together. He felt more relaxed but his mind still replayed everything from killing Ed, to Negan flirting with Andrea. Hearing more evidence of Shane being hung up on his mom wasn’t good either. 

Everything felt tense. Wired with anxiety on the verge of losing the small shred of sanity he was grasping onto. The broken part of himself that used to feel protected with the help of Negan, now only felt frayed. 

But he pushed it down.

And they found Rick quickly. Carl listened dully as Negan explained the situation. That Carol told him Ed was missing, but they  _ found  _ him. They weren’t sure if they should go back to her directly or if Rick wanted to be the one to speak with her.

The camp was Shane’s, he let it be known, but so slightly and so naturally Rick was sliding into the role of leader. The people gravitated to him, asking for help, especially after a little nudge from Negan. And this was one task Negan definitely wanted Rick to take.

Carl was relieved that he offered to do so willingly. The greater distance between themselves and Ed, the better.

Negan agreed to show Rick the spot, while Carl decided to wander back to the RV. 

He shouldn’t feel so bored. Shit was about to hit the fan once word got out about Ed. It should make him on edge, but he only felt tired. And anxious. He sharpened his knives outside the RV and waited. 

It felt like eternity but a shrieking cry finally pierced through the camp and he stood gripping his knife. As he walked briskly in the direction of the crying, he could make out that it was Carol. By their tent she sobbed into the arms of one of the women. 

Carl searched the small crowd gathering and found Sophia. Her eyes cold as she stared blankly past the group. He wanted to go to her, to comfort her. To tell her Ed deserved it. But he couldn’t make his feet move. 

Carol turned and reached for Sophia and pulled her into a tight embrace. 

He should feel remorse. He knew he should feel bad for the pain he had caused. But he didn’t.

He watched Rick and Lori try to comfort them then Carl turned and walked back to the camper. Negan’s steps fell into place next to his. His arms snaked around Carl’s shoulders and the weight of it felt reassuring for once. 

“Rick is telling them that Ed might have met up with a walker and that I had to put him down.”

Carl said nothing as he focused on the heavy pressure of Negan's arm.

“I’ve been telling them we need better set up to guard the perimeter. Something permanent. And more supplies. This shit is all so temporary. Sleeping in fuckin’ tents? Jesus Christ. What are they expecting to happen? I mean, not like that was the real reason, but it easily could have been.”

“So what do you want to do about it?” Carl asked as they reached the RV.

Negan opened the door and gestured for Carl to enter. 

He climbed the stairs and took a seat on his bed. Negan pulled a folded up paper from his pocket and sat next to him.

Unfolding it, he said, “State map. Now, this is a little ambitious, I admit. I have a few more maps of the surrounding areas too. There are plenty of fuckin’ reasons why most of these locations won’t work, but-” he left his statement hang.

Carl grabbed the map from his hand and began looking it over. “You think we should find a permanent location?”

“I think  _ you _ should find us a permanent location.”

“Me?” Carl furrowed his brow, “What the hell would I know about that?”

“Just look over the maps and tell me what you think. We’re not moving in tomorrow, we just need a goal. We need aspirations beyond sleepin’ in a fuckin’ tent.”

“Wasn't it  _ your _ idea to leave town in the first place? My house was secure, you and my dad thought it wasn’t good enough.”

“If you’ll remember correctly, I said we needed  _ people _ . Food is necessary but people are the second greatest resource. We have that now. Well,” Negan lifted his eyebrows and grinned, “We’re  _ getting  _ to that. You work on finding some good prospects and leave the people to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter brought to you by me rewatching episodes of TWD where Shane brags about banging his gym teacher.


	6. Chapter 6

The camp was tense after they found Ed. Carl listened from a distance as people discussed the best way to find the walker that got to him. And how to protect themselves from it happening again. Daryl returned too late to track it, which relieved Carl, however he did vow to Carol that he’d find the bitch and take it down. It made Carl nervous but he knew that it would be impossible for Daryl to find out what really happened. 

Carl avoided the funeral, but Negan was more than willing to attend. He offered his sympathy and gave Carol as much of his time as he could afford. Knowing they were mourning, Carl decided to give Sophia and Carol space. He didn't regret it, though he also didn’t relish the pain it caused. But despite his distance Sophia slowly gravitated to him anyway. At the quarry, near the fire, checking traps, Sophia sought him out. She didn’t speak much but told Carl that being near him put her mind at ease. It reminded him of the calm he had felt around Negan after he had been attacked, so he understood.

And he liked having her around.

One day when they were alone in the woods checking traps, she turned and reached towards him suddenly. Carl froze as she stood close, her nose so near to his. He could see the freckles scattered high across her cheek and the flecks of color in her eyes.

“Sorry,” she spoke softly. “Your knife?”

“What?” Carl whispered. He could feel the warmth of her breath.

She looked down to his hip and gestured, “Could I borrow it for a second?” 

“Oh,” Carl leaned back putting more space between them as his heart raced. “Here,” he handed it to her carefully extending the hilt.

“Thanks,” she smiled sweetly.

Carl stared at her as she cut strips of fabric and tucked them away in her bag. He couldn’t concentrate on what she was doing, only how his heart was still thrumming hard behind his chest. He thought she was going to kiss him. He had been certain of it. 

And the idea didn’t disgust him.

With a quiet smile, she returned his knife and continued to walk. Carl followed cautiously behind.

Clearing his throat, he asked, “How have you been doing?” It was pointed enough for Sophia to understand he was asking about Ed. “How’s your mom?”

She found a patch of sun. Closing her eyes, she smiled into it, “We’re okay. Sad, but okay.” Tilting her head she continued, “He wasn’t a good man.”

“No,” Carl agreed.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” Carl scratched his arm nervously.

“Will you teach me what you know? The knives? Shooting a gun. I don’t know how to protect myself and I hate it.”

“Yeah,” Carl smiled, “Anytime.”

Sophia returned the smile and continued to walk deeper into the woods. She seemed free. Ed had been a heavy weight, dragging her beneath the surface, drowning her. But she was free of him now, finally enjoying the air.

Carl followed her deeper into the woods with a hidden smile. 

In the days that passed, they developed a routine after finding a secluded location to practice. She struggled at first but was able to catch on quickly. Carl tried to joke that it must be easier with two eyes, but Sophia didn’t laugh. She reached out and touched the toughened skin on his cheek. He held his breath and waited as he fought against the rising heat to his face.

But she never said anything more. Dropping her hand, she thanked him and they continued.

When Carl wasn’t training with Sophia, he was studying the maps Negan had given him. He made a list, pros and cons of each potential location. It wasn’t easy and he didn’t know what the hell he was doing but he figured making a list was a good enough place to start.

Negan was busy most days chatting up the people in the camp. Carl saw it now. The flirting was a cover and the closer he listened the more he realized exactly the _way_ Negan was seducing them. Manipulating them with the truth. The way he peppered in concerns for the future of the camp amidst flattery and indispensable assistance. 

Carl still didn’t like his lack of boundaries. The way he leaned in too close while speaking to the women, like he had a secret to share, only for them. Carl knew the power of that persuasion and like those women, he too was guilty of giving into whatever Negan wanted. 

He realized it as he stared at the map in front of him, once again poring over any detail he may have missed. Standing in frustration, he ran his fingers through his hair. He started to wonder if maybe that’s all he was to him, just another person to do the work Negan didn’t want. Taking a deep breath, he put his hat on and stepped outside of the RV for fresh air.

Carl was so sick of the undercurrents of fear and jealousy surrounding his thoughts of Negan. It wasn’t peaceful like with Sophia. There was a calm to her that put his mind to rest. It was easy. Simple. Unlike anything he’d known before. Unlike the never ending battle he’d been fighting with Negan. For his attention. His affection. He felt pathetic. 

One afternoon while walking around camp he found several men congregated near Shane’s camper. As he walked closer he heard them mention a supply run. A small town nearby had a pharmacy and Glenn suggested it might be a good target to raid for emergency supplies.

“How many people do you need?” Shane asked.

Glenn pursed his lips in contemplation, “Four would be nice. Maybe Five. We get more than that we’ll just bring attention to ourselves.”

Carl spoke quickly, “I want to go.”

Shaking his head Shane said, “Carl, I don’t think-”

“No. I’m going,” he insisted.

“Look, you get Rick to say it’s okay, then fine.”

With intention, Carl turned and searched the camp. When he spotted him, he walked directly to Rick. Interrupting his conversation, Carl demanded, “Glenn needs people for a run and I’m going too.”

“What?” Rick put his hands on his hips, “Slow down, Carl. What did you say?”

“Glenn said he’s going for a supply run and I want to go too. I _am_ going.” 

Negan approached from the side and gave Rick a meaningful look, “He _has_ been training.”

“What, a couple days of throwing knives at a log and you think he’s ready for a run?”

“Fuck no,” Negan laughed. Carl glared at him, about to protest, then he continued, “But he’ll never be ready unless he has a chance to try. We talked about this. _I’ll_ go with him.”

Rick crossed his arms giving him a hard stare, “Alright. You can go, Carl. But I’m coming too.”

Smiling, Negan said, “Come on, Rick. I won’t let anything happen to him. You don’t need to babysit _both_ of us.”

“I don’t need either of you to protect me!” Carl interjected. The camp was suffocating. He was sick of everyone still treating him like a kid. Like all he could do was check traps and gather firewood. Tired of Negan ordering him around, making him work on the stupid map. Sophia was the only one who treated him like he mattered.

“Yeah, you fuckin’ do,” Negan replied.

Carl turned scowling, “You know what, you can just fuck off, Negan.”

Smiling wide, Negan leaned back, " _E_ _xcuse_ me?”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Rick interrupted. “We’ll _all_ go. I want to see the town and Carl, you do need the practice but you also need backup.” 

“Fine,” Carl sighed. “I’ll tell Glenn.” 

Carl walked away as he heard Rick ask Negan, “What’s up with you two?” Rick didn’t bother to hide his pleased smile.

Negan furrowed his brow in Carl’s direction, “Hell if I know.”

“Maybe he’s finally growing wise to your shit?” Rick smirked. 

“Think he’s just sick of bein’ treated like a kid.”

“You said yourself he’s not ready to be alone. Don’t blame me for this,” Rick replied. “You know, he’s been spendin’ time with that girl, Sophia. I think the honeymoon between you two is finally over.”

“Nothin’ a blowjob won’t fix.” 

Rick scowled and Negan laughed as he walked away, following Carl to Glenn’s car.

Carl grabbed at his knife, making sure it was properly secured to his belt. He reached for his gun, as Negan approached. 

“What the hell was that?” Negan demanded.

Pursing his lips, Carl knew he was still taking his jealousy out on Negan. “Nothing,” he answered, as he looked to make sure his gun was loaded.

“Come on, Carl. What the hell, man?”

Taking a deep breath, Carl said, “It’s nothing. Really. I’m just tired of being left behind and I want to help more out there.”

“Yeah, and Rick and I both agree with you. We just don’t want you to jump in without being prepared.”

“I know,” Carl sighed. 

They continued loading the car, getting their gear ready for the run. Carl checked the trunk to make sure there would be space for whatever they intended to bring back. He gave Glenn the OK then walked to the rear driver’s side door and climbed in. Negan took the seat next to him, making a show of placing his bat carefully on the seat, then flashed Carl a cocky grin. Carl shook his head but allowed a smile of his own to break, only encouraging Negan to smile wider. Rick sat in front next to Glenn.

“If only we had the partition it would be just like old times, huh, Rick?” Negan joked, leaning forward as Glen drove away from the camp.

“Yeah, I _wish_ I was the one to haul your ass in,” Rick replied. 

“You arrested him?” Glenn asked.

“Sure did,” Negan sat back, pushing his shoulder closer against Carl’s. 

“For what?” Glenn asked curious, meeting Negan’s eyes through the rearview mirror.

Carl swallowed nervously as he braced himself for whatever the hell Negan was about to say. He could _feel_ Negan smile and he knew the chaotic energy building next to him was about to erupt. 

“Well, you see, Rick found out I was spending a little _too much_ with his son, and like a good daddy he wanted to put a stop to it, right?”

Carl shook his head, but bit his lip as he listened to Negan continue.

“But once he investigated, he found out that Carl and I had a nice little club goin’ for ourselves. Now, brace yourself for this next part because it ain’t for the faint of heart. You see, little Carl here had the idea to start hunting and tracking down assholes. I mean, grade-A fuckers that slipped through the system. These shitstains deserved it. But by the time Rick found out we had already been killing said assholes left and right, up and down, inside and out, throughout the whole fuckin’ state, for months.” Negan paused and winked at Carl, “Bashin’ skulls mostly, how do you think I got so good with Lucille here? And if you're like Rick, and the murder ain't the cherry on top of this whole fuckin’ scenario, I’ll tell you what is. Turns out the worst part for Rick here was findin’ out that I was fucking his underage son next to all the cooling corpse trails we left behind.”

Carl slunk down in his seat, trying to hide his embarrassment. Negan was putting on a show and only an idiot would believe him. But it _was_ the truth. Mostly.

Negan smiled, “Of course, this was all back when murder and statutory rape were frowned upon. Due process is great and all but these fuckers had dodged the legal system bullet, so Carl decided to take matters into his own hands. It obviously didn’t sit too well with Rick. I mean, I really can’t blame him for that. And fuckin’ a student isn’t exactly kosher either. Between all that shit, I think you could say a line definitely got crossed at _some_ point.”

Glenn furrowed his brow clearly trying to figure out if there was any truth to what Negan had said. Finally, he turned to Rick and asked, “What did you _really_ arrest him for?”

“Assault,” he replied dryly and sat back in his seat.

“You’re no fun, Rick. I’m trying to build up my street cred. Make a name for myself back at camp. A reputation here.” Turning to Glenn he continued, “Inquiring minds are dying to know, which part of my little story was too far fetched for you? Don’t think I could murder a man?”

“No, I’ve seen you take out those walkers. You’re a natural at killing,” Glenn admitted.

“Well, thank you, Glenn.” Negan turned to smile at Carl, nudging him with his arm.

Carl should be angry at his confession but it sounded so absurd, he didn’t think anyone would believe him. And even if they did, it didn’t really matter now if anyone knew. He didn’t want Rick to find out the full details, but Negan was a sarcastic asshole and he played it off as a joke. Besides, it gave Carl a little thrill to hear Negan speak the truth openly about them. Even in clear jest.

“I don’t know if I meant that as a compliment,” Glenn added. He turned the car through a back road as they drove past overgrown and unattended fields. 

They drove for several more minutes and Carl tried his best to remember the way back to camp. Negan continued to talk and Carl drifted out of the conversation, instead he focused on what he remembered from studying the maps. He figured out enough from the direction Glenn drove but wasn’t sure which destination he had in mind. 

When they finally arrived at the town, Carl got out of the car carefully and waited while Glenn gave instructions. 

“We’re looking for medical supplies right now. That’s the most important thing, but obviously any food or weapons are good too. Any tools that might make things at camp easier, keep that in mind.”

“Alright, so where are we going?” Rick asked.

“There’s a pharmacy down the road and a veterinarian in the opposite direction. Rick and Carl can take the pharmacy if you want to come with me, Negan.”

“Hell no,” Negan replied to Carl’s surprise. “Rick will go with you and I’m going with Carl. I told you in the car, he’s my _main squeeze,_ ” Negan wrapped his arm around Carl’s shoulder. “I’m not letting him out of my sight.”

“Wait. Are you two _really-_ ” Glenn looked at them in confusion, “Like, _actually_ -” he furrowed his brow at Carl, leaving the question to hang in the air.

Carl shrugged, noncommittally. There wasn’t any reason to keep their relationship a secret, besides not liking the idea of Lori finding out. And if other people knew then maybe the women at camp would back off. 

“No,” Rick interrupted quickly. “They’re not. Negan is just an asshole. And this is Carl’s first run. I’m not letting him out of _my_ sight.”

Carl shook his head in frustration, “Dad, _come on._ ”

“Okay, that’s fine,” Glenn said. “Why don’t the three of you check out the pharmacy and I’ll try the vet. I’ve done lots of solo runs. I’ll do some recon and if there’s trouble I’ll come find you for backup. Sound good?”

Nodding reluctantly, they all agreed. Carl wanted to complain for the way they were babying him, but it was faster to keep his mouth shut. At least Rick was letting him go on the run at all. Glenn gave them directions to the pharmacy, and the vet’s in case they needed him, then they split ways.

The town was quiet and empty as they walked down the street, each with their weapon of choice close at hand. No signs of life, walkers _or_ people. As peaceful as it was, the town was littered with a sinister air. An unmistakable sign that something very wrong had happened here, just as in every town. For how common it had all become, it always remained eerie and set Carl’s heart ill at ease.

When they reached the doors of the pharmacy it was unsurprising that they were unlocked, with glass from the broken door scattered on the ground before them.

“I’ll go in first, then Negan, then you Carl,” Rick ordered as he pulled the door open and stepped inside. 

Negan gripped Lucille tight and Carl unholdestered his gun. 

It was dark but once their eyes adjusted they could see shelves ransacked and in disarray. They made quick work of checking each aisle for walkers and listened closely for any noise that they weren’t truly alone. Once they were satisfied they lowered their weapons and began to look more closely through the aisles.

Negan walked to the back of the store where the pharmacist kept the prescription medication. He called for Rick to help with a lock who silently questioned Carl.

“I think I can survive being thirty feet away from you for more than a minute. What kind of trouble can I get into in an empty store?”

Rick nodded, “You hear something you come get us. Don’t play hero.”

“Fine,” he sighed, watching as Rick walked away.

Carl grabbed a stray basket and continued to walk through the store, looking over the looted remains scattered on the floor. He laughed quietly to himself in victory as he reached for stray toilet paper that had been shoved to the back of the shelf. It may not be a necessity but it was a comfort he missed. He threw it in his basket and continued to search the shelves. 

This definitely wasn’t the first time the pharmacy had been raided. It was a cleaned carcass of its former capitalistic glory. But nearly any of the remaining items could still probably be put to good use at their camp. This run was for medical supplies though, Carl had to remind himself. As much as he’d like to take some of the cheap toys and puzzles that once counted as entertainment, he passed them by. Turning into a new aisle he was able to find what was left of the first aid kits, bandages, and rubbing alcohol. He filled his basket with the most helpful of the items and continued to work his way through the store. He could hear Negan and Rick struggling in the back. Bickering, but nothing more than that. He wouldn’t need to jump between them just yet.

Reaching the last aisle he found some over-the-counter items that would be highly coveted. Acetaminophen, ibuprofen, and some antihistamines quickly found their way into his overflowing basket. Then as he turned the corner on the end cap shelving he saw condoms. 

Carl stared at the boxes blankly for a moment. It was still hauntingly quiet besides the struggling sounds of Negan and Rick across the store. He and Negan had never used condoms before but seeing them there, staring back at him, he started to wonder if having them might be wise. His thoughts jumped abruptly to Sophia, but he shook the idea from his mind as quickly as it had entered.

Without more thought, he grabbed three boxes and tucked them into his pockets. He saw lube next to them and hurriedly shoved some to the bottom of his basket. Then he turned quickly and walked away from the row like he’d never been there.

He was glad Negan wasn’t near him to tease him for it. 

Carl glanced around once again, ready to head back to Negan and Rick and help with finding the better rate medication when he saw the door to the employee backroom. Putting his ear to the door, it was quiet, so he opened it slowly. He swore softly to himself that he hadn’t thought to bring a flashlight.

It took a moment for his eye to adjust as he blinked into the darkness of the room, but the sudden tight grasp around his wrist didn’t give him the chance to see properly.

His heart pounded violently as he realized that a walker had his arm. Boney fingers dug into his flesh as he backed away, pulling it along as he tried to walk back through the doorway, unable to shake it’s grip. It groaned and whined as its yellowed teeth gnashed the air in his direction. Before he could think to reach for his gun, or a knife, or anything to get the goddamn thing off of him, he stumbled and fell to the floor, pulling the corpse on top of him. 

The sudden heavy weight pinning him in place was shocking. He panicked, feeling hot and sick as his heart raced, unable to think of anything he could do to save himself. 

Carl tried to cry out but his voice wouldn’t work. Sweat absorbed into the bandage on his brow, now devoid of his hat that had been thrown from him when he fell back. And he knew in a moment of simple clarity that this was it. This was how he was going to die. After everything his dad had said, after all the wasted hours training, after surviving a fucking bullet to the head, he was going to fucking die on the floor of a dilapidated pharmacy, and worst of all he might even turn into one of the fuckers. 

He couldn’t breathe and tears were forming at the corner of his eye. It couldn’t end like this. He couldn’t die in this fucking rat hole. He couldn’t let Rick and everyone else be right. He was better than that. 

His elbows shook as he struggled to hold the fucking thing away from him. He knew if he tried to reach for a weapon he’d have to let go, but he couldn’t hold it much longer.

With a great heave, he finally cried out and pushed with all his remaining strength. It was enough to move the walker off of him. Not much, but it gave him time to grab his knife. 

As it bit at the fabric of his jeans, he yelled again and stabbed it through the skull.

It collapsed immediately with the knife still lodged in its head.

Carl wanted to cry from relief but before he had the chance he saw another walker emerge from the backroom. 

Scrambling back, he was trapped between a shelf and the fucking walker bending over him with its arms reaching out.

“Fuck!” He called out as he grabbed at the gun on his belt. Aiming quickly, he fired a shot directly between its eyes. It fell, dead weight on top of his legs.

The round was deafening and his ears painfully rang as it echoed around the store. With his arms frozen out, still aiming the gun in the direction of the door, his chest heaved with deep breaths.

“Carl!” A muffled voice cried, but he couldn’t move his eyes away from the door where the walkers came.

Negan was at his side as Rick looked into the room in front of him. Hands reached out touching his face, his shoulders, finally pushing his extended arms down, taking the gun from his hands.

Carl recognized that someone was speaking to him but he couldn’t understand the words. 

“Carl!” Negan grabbed his face. “Did it _bite_ you?”

He shook his head vaguely.

Rick returned from the room and pulled the corpses off of him. “Are you okay?” His voice was unlike anything Carl had heard before. Shaken.

“Yeah,” Carl cleared his throat. “I’m fine. I-I didn’t see them.” 

Negan stood, and grabbing onto Carl’s arm, the same one the walker had, he helped pull him to his feet. Negan's hands felt all over Carl’s body, rubbing against his arms, his legs. Lifting his shirt, he looked for signs of a bite or injury.

Furrowing his brow, Carl stressed, “I’m _fine!_ Stop, Negan!” 

Standing back, Negan inhaled deeply then wiped his face with his hands, “Jesus fucking Christ.”

“You could have died!” Rick gritted through his teeth.

“I killed them!” Carl’s voice was shaky and unsure, even to his own ear. Trying again, he said, “I took care of them! I’m fine.”

“You could have fuckin’ died,” Negan repeated. 

“ _You_ could have fuckin’ died if you went in there before me!” Carl retorted. “I didn’t die. I killed them and I didn’t need your help!” Shaking his head in anger, he grabbed the basket that had been forgotten and stomped away.

“Carl! Get your ass back here!” Rick called after him. 

“I need some air!” His heart was still racing but he was alive. 

He pushed through the door and took a deep breath. The stagnant air from the store surrounded by the suffocated concern of Negan holding onto him and Rick who was soon to berate him made him feel like he was drowning. 

The sky was bright and blue. Warmth from the sun felt good on his skin. It was beautiful and it wouldn’t have mattered in the slightest to the rest of the world if he had fucking died only moments before. 

He heard footsteps approach and stop behind him. A familiar deep sigh revealed that it was Negan which at least made him feel better. He didn’t say anything when a hand landed on Carl’s shoulder forcing him to turn. 

Negan placed Carl’s forgotten hat on his head, and for the second time in the past hour Carl didn’t have time to respond. Negan’s lips pushed against his in a fierce kiss. Strong hands held his head in place as he ravaged his mouth. Carl returned the heated kiss, meeting the intensity with his own. A much welcomed outlet to channel the overflowing adrenaline that still coursed through his veins. 

Negan was shaking against him, resting his forehead against Carl’s. “Don’t fucking do that again,” he whispered.

“Negan,” Carl sighed. “I’m fine.”

“Your ass better be. I’m not putting up with Prick without you,” Negan teased weakly. 

Carl laughed, “You wouldn’t last ten minutes before someone starts throwing punches."

“Yeah, but we both know I’d win that fight.”

Negan inhaled deeply, and in another moment of overwhelming desire he grabbed the front of Carl’s shirt and pulled him in again, kissing him roughly at first, then finally slowing. Carl didn’t want to dwell on it, but it all could have been over. With Negan kissing him, his arms roaming his body protectively, possessively, claiming him in the middle of the day, in the middle of the road, Carl knew things would be okay. The fears he’d had, his jealousy, it all fell away to only Negan, caressing him gently and holding him tightly.

“Uh,” the meek interruption broke their kiss.

Carl turned his head to see Glenn staring at them awkwardly. “Sorry,” he said hesitantly. “It’s just, we should be, you know, leaving soon.”

Blushing, Carl removed himself from Negan’s embrace and adjusted his hat, but Negan kept his arm hanging around his shoulder.

“You like to watch, huh? Well, good thing. Carl likes an audience,” Negan smiled.

Carl glared up at him.

“So,” Glen asked, obviously uncomfortable, “You two really are-”

“Yep,” Negan answered. “You have a problem with that?”

“No,” Glenn’s eyebrows lifted. 

“Good.”

“It’s just,” he continued, “I didn’t know you were gay.”

Negan laughed and finally pulled away from Carl, “Look, sexuality is a spectrum. I don’t just love hot dogs, I love tacos too. Why do people have to choose? The whole human spectrum is a buffet and I, for one, am starving. I think I could even make room for a little Chinese, if you catch my drift.” He winked suggestively.

“That’s offensive,” Glenn scowled, “and I’m Korean.” 

“I am open to experiencing all of this world’s delicacies,” Negan smiled. 

For once, Carl didn’t feel jealous. With Negan’s arm still wrapped around his shoulder, he just didn’t care. He almost died. But he didn’t. And Negan was standing next to him, warm and heavy. A solid reminder that he was okay.

“Um,” Glenn turned to Carl, “Do your parents know?”

“He’s not a minor,” Negan defended quickly. “What Carl does when they’re not around is none of their goddamn business.”

“My dad knows,” Carl answered. “Maybe don’t say anything around my mom, though. I’d appreciate that.”

Glenn nodded, still clearly uncomfortable.

Carl added, “It’s fine, really. He’s known about it for months.”

“Months?” Glenn asked.

“Yeah, from before the outbreak.”

“Huh,” Glenn considered.

“Negan!” Rick called out behind them. “I need your help with the safe!”

“Shit,” Negan said. “I think we hit the motherload but we’re gonna need some other tools to break open the safe when we get back to camp. It was a motherfucker to break free from the wall.” He turned away and walked back to the pharmacy to help Rick.

Carl walked in awkward silence the rest of the way to the car with Glenn. He opened the trunk and unloaded his basket, hiding the lube in his flannel shirt before Glenn could see.

“Are you guys like-” Glenn started uncomfortably. 

Carl tried to hide his smile as he continued to organize the trunk, “Just ask.”

“You’re really together?”

Carl shrugged, “We’ve been through a lot. We both kind of got screwed up at the same time and bonded over it.”

“What about Sophia?”

“What about her?” Carl asked, genuinely confused.

“Come on, you know what they’re saying about you two,” Glenn teased.

“We’re just friends. I like her. I mean, maybe if Negan wasn’t here. I don’t know.”

“Does she know about you two?” 

“No one knows except my dad.” Carl met his eye, “And you now, I guess.” He could tell Glenn still had more questions.

“What he said in the car-” Glenn looked away, “What did he _really_ get arrested for?”

Carl smiled outright, "Negan saved me from an attack. He beat the shit out of the guy. This was before the outbreak. It would have been really bad. Like, I mean, he saved my life. That’s how it all started. He _saved_ me.” He thought back to when he woke up in the abandoned industrial park. And also to the night with Paul, when Carl threw punches, disfiguring the man with the use of hand weights and how Negan tried to take the fall when Rick caught them. The world was different now but Negan was still the same. He’d fight to the end of the world for him, and Carl knew it. “When my dad found out about us he didn’t really take it very well. They got into a fight and he pressed charges to keep him away from me. It didn't exactly work.”

“Wow. And you’ve kept it from your mom this whole time?”

“I guess. We were kind of in the habit of keeping it quiet.”

Glenn studied him carefully. Narrowing his eyes he said, “You were a student when it started.”

Shrugging, he lied, “It’s not as bad as it sounds.” It was worse than it sounded, if the body count was to be considered. “Look,” Carl shook his head, “He’s an asshole. I know. But he’d never do anything to hurt me. He doesn’t treat me like he does everyone else.” And it finally hit him. Speaking those words out loud, he finally believed them. “Just watch how he acts when he thinks no one is looking and you’ll see it.” Carl smiled to himself, knowing it was the truth.

“You fucking asshole, lift your end higher, Prick!” Negan grunted.

Carl turned around to see his dad and Negan struggling to carry a large safe. Glenn ran over to them and helped move it the remaining distance.

“You could have said you needed another hand,” Glenn said as they placed it in the trunk. Glenn found rope and tied it as closed as it would go.

“I thought Rick could hold his own. Guess I was wrong. Did you go soft in your old age once you became Sheriff or what?”

“You’re older than me, Negan, and I had to move it by myself when you were screwing around out here.” 

“Screwing around comes later,” he winked at Carl. “Speaking of, let's get the fuck out of here. This day can fuckin’ end already.”

“Did something happen?” Glenn asked.

“No,” Rick said. “Did you get what you needed at the vet’s?” 

“Yeah, we should bet set."

“Thank fucking Christ. Let’s go,” Negan lifted Lucille onto his shoulder as he walked over to the car door. He held it open for Carl and gestured for him to get in.

Carl flashed a knowing smile to Glenn as he got into the car with Negan right behind him. 

The drive home was quiet. It gave them too much time to think. Carl was exhausted, the adrenaline rush had finally crashed. Negan’s finger traced absent lines around Carl’s knee. He hadn’t taken a hand off of him since they sat down. 

It was too close of a call for either of them and Carl could feel the unease and fear running through Negan’s veins. Before he talked himself out of it, Carl grabbed Negan’s hand and squeezed tight. He hoped it would send the message that he was still there. Carl had killed the fucking walkers on his own. He _could_ fight, and he _did._ And with more training he’d get even better.

Negan lifted a questioning eyebrow in his direction but didn’t let go of his hand. 

They had been through so much together. This wasn’t the first time Negan had almost lost him, it’s just that now he realized what losing Carl would mean.

Negan remained oddly quiet once they made it back to the camp. It concerned Carl, not knowing what was on his mind. He already felt like a big enough idiot for getting himself into that situation but now he worried that Negan would think even less of him. Carl had hoped they’d have time alone to talk before going to sleep, but Lori and Judith were in the camper. When Carl tried to tilt his head, indicating to Negan he wanted to go talk, Negan shook his head. Instead he went with Rick and told Carl to stay behind. 

Normally he wouldn’t have listened but it had been a long fucking day. Carl made his bed and decided to give in for the night. He stared at the bottom of the cabinet that hung above him and once again let his thoughts roam to how lucky he was to be there, in the camper. He thought about how different it could have been if Rick had to come back and tell his mother that she was right, Carl shouldn’t have been out on a run because he wasn’t ready. It made him determined to train harder. Be better. He _had_ to be. He’d never let getting pinned and trapped by a walker ever happen to him again. 

Lori and Judith eventually turned in for the evening but Carl couldn’t sleep. His mind ran too fast. So he climbed back out of bed. 

Negan and Rick still hadn’t come back for the night. Putting on his boots, and pulling on a shirt, he softly closed the door behind him. He didn’t have to walk long before he found them arguing.

Their voices were heated. Not yelling yet but too loud for the late hour.

“You think that’s the fuckin’ solution, huh? Just push the problem aside, bury it away and it won’t happen again?”

Rick was right near Negan’s face, “It’s better than a goddamn death march, Negan.”

“Death march?”

“Yes! You think being thrown into it is going to make everything better, huh? How the hell is that supposed to help? Tell me, I’m dying to know, how _the hell_ do you think repeating the exact goddamn thing that happened today is going to help Carl when he’s out there on his own, huh?”

“He won’t _be_ on his own!”

“He wasn’t on his own today either and look at what happened. He could have _died,_ Negan.”

Negan crowded in close and gritted, “You don’t have to fuckin’ tell me he could have died you fuckin’ asshole. I know how goddamn close he was to dying. I fucking _know_ it! This wasn’t the first time I’ve seen him like this and I’d do anything in my power to keep him safe but he _isn’t_ safe. Not in _this_ fucking world. And he _has_ to know how to live in it. You can’t shelter him from that!”

“Oh yeah, why don’t you tell me more about how you let my son get a ride from a rapist. You think that was good for him too?”

“Fuck you,” Negan shoved Rick hard, and he stumbled back, “I told you about that so you’d understand the strength he has. _I_ didn’t put him in that position. He did it himself and he got himself out of it, just like to _-fucking-_ day. But it’s not enough. He needs confidence, and knowledge of fighting, and that only comes with experience.”

“So just throw him at them?”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Rick!” Negan sighed. “We talked about this before. Melee, sparring, he needs more. Harder. The fuckers out there aren’t going to go easy on him. _We_ can’t either.”

Rick wiped his brow, “I’m with you on that one. But I don’t want him back out there until he can take your ass down.”

“Fine. I’ll start with him tomorrow,” Negan said and turned. 

Carl retreated quickly before being caught and walked back to the RV. His mind raced as he entered the camper. He sat down on his bed, staring blankly ahead. He knew he fucked up. He understood it was bad. He _felt_ how close it was. For once, he actually agreed with Rick and Negan. He needed to train harder and better than before. He was going to prove, not only to them but to himself that he could do it. 

The door creaked open and Carl recognized the black outline of Negan walking through the door. 

Peeling off his leather jacket, he sat on his own bed then gestured for Carl to join him. Negan kicked off his boots as Carl crept quietly over. He pulled Carl down with him as he laid, stretched out on the bed. It was narrow, barely more than the couch extended slightly. But there was enough room for them pressed closely together. 

Carl turned into him. It reminded him so much of the nights after that first assault. When he would crowd close for comfort in Negan’s bed after the attack. When he couldn't get the feeling of the fucker's hands on his body off of his mind.

“You told my dad about the industrial park,” Carl whispered.

Negan touched his forehead to Carl’s, “Yeah.”

“Did you tell him about all of them?”

“No,” Negan pulled his face away and blinked in the dark. His hand brushed Carl’s hair out of his face. He tugged at the bandage covering his eye until it fell free. “Did you hear everything?”

“Just that you think I need training.”

“You do fucking need training. And not that throwing knives bullshit. I’m going to be on top of you from now on. Wrestling in the dirt if that’s what it takes.”

The corner of Carl’s mouth twitched in a smile, “I like when you’re on top of me.”

Negan huffed a laugh and held Carl tighter. He whispered, “Get some rest.”

Carl closed his eye and finally he was able to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been able to reply to comments. It's been crazy here lately. I read them all and appreciate them more than you can possibly know! 
> 
> I try to keep people updated on the fic on tumblr - so if you're into that come check me out! 
> 
> http://candle-jill.tumblr.com/


	7. Chapter 7

“Come on,” Rick whispered in Carl’s ear, shaking him softly, “Wake up, Carl.”

“Fuck you, Rick,” Negan grumbled next to him. He adjusted himself just enough to extend his arm and flip Rick off. 

Carl stretched, vaguely unaware of his location. Blinking awake, he found himself plastered against Negan’s chest. He sat quickly, removing himself from Negan’s arms, unaware he had fallen asleep on his bed. Carl stood quickly despite his body’s protestations, cracking joints as he stretched. Lifting an arm, he rubbed with intent at the cramped muscles in his neck, trying to massage away the pain.

“Thanks. _Now_ who’s going to take care of my morning wood?” Negan complained, mumbling to himself. 

“You should just be relieved you can get it up at all,” Rick replied dully.

Carl smiled at dig, and dared to look at Negan who was throwing Rick a perturbed glare. Even though Negan was tough on Rick, Carl could see how differently Rick treated him compared to when he was jailed. In the early days, right after the outbreak, Rick had quickly learned that he was beyond grateful for the additional help. And Negan was more than capable. When they first were navigating the new world they often went on runs but each time they came back a little more lost than before. Haunted. Like they’d left a part of themselves out there. Rick only let Carl go on a few of those early supply runs and only nearby, but at that point he and Negan had worked out a good routine for themselves.

Despite Negan’s taunts, when it came down to it they worked well together.

“Oh, _I_ can get it up,” Negan replied standing, “I’m _good_ at gettin’ it up. Just ask your s-”

The partition opened and everyone turned their heads as Lori walked out carrying Judith. “Good morning, boys,” she yawned. 

“Hi, mom,” Carl stood sheepishly. He grabbed clothes and walked past her into the back room to change. There weren’t many options for clothes these days, and what they did have was mostly dirty, but it was better than some had, so he was grateful.  
  
When he emerged, Negan had already left and Rick was shuffling past him into the room to sleep after a night on watch.

Carl said goodbye to his mom left the RV. He wandered the camp, passing a few tired smiling faces, before finding Negan outside Dale’s camper.

“Hi there, Carl. You’re up early,” Dale greeted him.

He returned the smile and walked to Negan, “Thought I’d see what I could do to help.”

“Dale here has decided to be _overly_ generous with his tools,” Negan stepped to the side to reveal the safe. “One thing every man knows is never to let these the hell out of your sight.” He waved a wrench toward Dale in appreciation.

“After everything you did to help me? Think nothing of it, Negan. I wish everyone would be so generous with their time. Goodness knows we have enough of it these days.”

“Just remember that when Shane comes by. I’m hopin’ someone will put in a good word for me.”

“Well, I surely can. Least I can do. You and Shane have a fight or something?” Dale asked, placing his hands on his hips.

Negan put on his best shit-eating grin, “Well, he _might_ have come to the wrong conclusion about the time I’ve been spending with Andrea. He doesn’t want to hear an apology from me. So, I’m tryin’ to smooth things over.”

“Ah, yeah. Well, that could do it. I’ll be sure to mention how invaluable you’ve become to the camp. And I mean it too. You and Rick both make us feel more secure. And I know Jim sure appreciated the parts you were able to track down, too. So, you help yourself to the tools just, keep them nearby.”

“You got it,” Negan smiled as Dale walked away.

Carl nodded his head toward the safe, “How do you know there’s anything even in there?”

“Fuck, there better be. You saw what a bitch it was to move. There better be some good shit in here.” Negan stood back staring at it with his hand on his hips.

“How you gonna do it?”

“Yeah, I’m working on that part,” he furrowed his brow.

Carl watched him purse his lips, then finally reach for a file and a hammer. He jammed the file between the door of the safe and used the hammer to drive it in further. With force, he bent the file upward, pulling at the door. 

Impressed, Carl watched as Negan slowly pried it open. When there was enough space for it, he switched to a crowbar and continued to move along the sides, working it open little by little.

Carl stood back then found a clear spot and sat on the ground. Negan’s arms were strong, muscles twisting as he pulled at the door. He missed watching him. It was almost like being in class again, only this time he didn’t have people to order around, which was a shame. He was always so good at it and Carl loved to see him put people in their place.

“Ha!” Negan cried in victory as the door finally crumbled in a large, disfigured chunk. Negan pushed back his disheveled hair and flashed his bright smile at Carl.

“I hope it’s something good,” Carl said, amused by Negan’s enthusiasm.

“Let’s check out this motherfucker!” Negan pulled aside pieces of the safe to find small boxes inside. Crouching low, he narrowed his eyes to read, “Shit we got some morphine here!” Sorting through the others he added, “Adderall, hydrocodone. Some _oxy._ Fuck, we hit the motherload!” 

“Good?” Carl asked.

Negan snorted, tucking a few boxes into his jacket, “It ain’t bad, that’s for goddamn sure. We should bring the rest of this to your dad.”

“What about Glenn? Or Shane?” 

“Glenn told us fuck all about whatever he got. Shane,” Negan considered. He nodded a moment before he waved Carl closer. 

Carl rolled his eye as he stood, then walked close. 

“You want in on a little secret?” Negan leaned in.

“Is it actually a secret or just some _Negan bullshit?_ ”

He laughed, “Both.”

“Yeah, alright,” Carl shrugged.

“Shane’s got to go, man. He’s fuckin’ unhinged. Shit’s going down when you’re not around, when you’re off fuckin’ around with your girlfriend. He’s starting fights with Rick.”

“What?” Carl knew things were tense but his dad never mentioned anything about it to him.

“And I don’t mean just like me, bustin’ his balls. They’re not all out brawling, not yet, but I can see the storm comin,’ kid. The posturing bullshit and his macho man-in-charge attitude. He’s threatened by Rick being here and it’s starting to show. But, of course, he has reason. Rick has his woman, his _child,_ and he’s starting to take away his power. It’s fuckin’ him up. Anyway, I don’t like how he runs shit and you already know that. Speaking of, are you still studying those maps?”

“Yeah,” Carl said softly. “There are a few places that might be worth checking out. Long shots, but if we could make them work we’d have more protection.”

“Good. Well anyway, we need Rick on our side. When shit well and truly hits the fan we’re gonna need him. People like him. They trust him. And we need the people to follow _us.”_ Negan touched his jacket with the pills inside, “Let’s bring these back to the camper and we’ll see what he wants to do with them.”

After they dutifully returned Dale’s tools, Negan grabbed the meds and tucked them into his arms. Carl took the remaining boxes and they walked back through the camp to the RV. He felt on edge, knowing Shane wouldn’t like that they were going to hoard meds. But then he supposed it would be up to Rick to decide what to do.

When they entered the RV, Lori and Judith were gone and Rick was sleeping in the back room. Negan dropped his meds on the bed and Carl did the same.

“Where’s your bag?” Negan asked.

Carl pointed beneath his bed.

Negan reached under and pulled it out. He dropped it on top of Carl’s bed and began to open it. 

“Hey!” Carl hissed in annoyance at the violation. He tried to reach for it but was too late by the time Negan was holding up a box of condoms.

He lifted his eyebrows, _“Really?”_

Carl shrugged, trying to feign innocence. 

He didn’t like the way Negan was studying him. “You know, _we_ never use these.”

“Yeah, so?” His heart raced.

“Do you _want_ to use them? I kind of figured at this point what with limited resources-” he waved the box around gesturing vaguely.

“They’re not for _you,”_ Carl said too quickly, chest pounding. He didn’t know why he said it. He didn’t know why he took them at all, really. The lube he had plans for, but the condoms seemed more like an investment. Something to trade. People might want them and he had them. And he only briefly thought of Sophia when he decided to take them, more curious than anything. Definitely not something he seriously considered.

Negan lifted his brow, seeming to understand, “Are you two _actually_ fucking already?” His glare was intense, “Here _I_ thought you were still tryin’ to gather your nerve to ask her to show you her titties.”

His words were joking but he wasn’t smiling. Negan wasn’t teasing him, which Carl expected. He thought about telling him the truth, that they were only friends. But he also remembered how it felt when Negan flirted with everyone around him, and maybe Negan deserved to know what it felt like from this side. 

Carl didn’t stop himself from saying, “Not _yet._ ”

Negan’s eyes twitched as he studied him, “You know, Ed was probably-”

“Yeah, I know,” Carl said quickly, turning away. “I’m not pressuring her into anything.”

He should tell Negan the truth. Why wasn’t he telling him the truth? He admittedly liked the serious way that Negan watched him. The intensity of his gaze that made Carl’s blood run and feel like together they were invincible. 

“Before,” taking a deep breath, Carl said carefully, “when we first got here, you told me not to let _you_ stand in my-”

“I know what the fuck I told you,” Negan interrupted harshly. 

Carl looked at him in surprise from the sudden intensity. “Are you jealous?” He didn’t allow himself to smile, but the confirmation that Negan was genuinely upset at the thought of Carl with Sophia made his stomach jump.

Negan threw the condoms back in the bag and tucked in a few boxes of pills as a way to change the subject. Then he grabbed the bottle of lube and looked it over. Waving it at Carl, taunting him, he left the question go unasked.

“ _That’s_ for us,” Carl admitted, with a small smile.

“Good,” Negan winked, back to normal like he hadn’t just stared Carl down and showed his entire hand. “Maybe if you can beat me sparring I’ll let you take it out on _my_ ass.” And as quickly as his possessive attitude emerged, it retreated. 

Carl snorted a laugh. Despite his quick recover, he had seen Negan’s jealousy. Despite all his encouragement to find someone else, Carl now _knew_ it was there. And he liked it.

Negan zipped his bag closed. “Look, don’t tell Rick about our little spare stash and don’t take any of those pills unless you’re hurt or whatever. _Only_ under adult supervision.”

“Fuck off,” he rolled his eye, “I’m not your student anymore.”

“I’m sorry, I _forgot,”_ Negan smiled amused, “Carl’s all grown up, wearin’ his big boy pants. Still, there’s a reason so many people like those pills, and while I’m not strictly opposed to a little recreational fun, we might actually need them, so don’t fuck with them.”

“I won’t take your pills, Negan,” he huffed in annoyance

“Great. Now how ‘bout you take _me_ instead?” Negan leered at him, “Despite what you just said, don’t you know you’ll _always_ be my student, Carl? The teacher-student bond is a profound thing that follows you for the rest of your days. So let’s get to it! Your ass needs some _aggressive_ training,” Negan gestured for him to leave the camper.

As Carl passed by, leaving the RV, he said quietly with a smirk, “Love it when you train my ass.”

The door clanged shut behind them and he could feel Negan’s smile as he slid his arm around his shoulder, guiding him as they walked. They eventually found a cleared area, not far from the campers and tents. The terrain was even, so they wouldn’t get any unnecessary injuries, and the space was big enough to move around freely to spar. 

“This will have to do,” Negan announced. “Okay, so, we’ll start with some basic moves, but I don’t want you to be dragged down by the technique. You’re not going to be fighting anyone with rational thought. Your main goal is to always have enough room to stab or shoot the fucker, you hear me?”

“Sure thing, Coach,” Carl flashed him a cocky grin. 

Negan smiled and leaned in, “I meant what I said before. You take me down and I’m all yours. _Anything_ you want. A Negan sex slave is a hot commodity. Just think of the possibilities.”

Carl scoffed, “How’s that any different from normal?”

“You’ll just have to beat me to find out.”

Negan moved too fast for Carl to respond. He should have expected it, but Negan dove out of his peripheral vision and grabbed him around the waist. Before he realized what had happened, he was on his back, with Negan smiling over top of him, panting.

“Gotta be faster than that, kid,” he stood and extended his hand, helping Carl to his feet.

Grabbing his hand with a scowl, Carl prepared himself for the next attack.

They sparred for over an hour. Wrestling on the ground, Carl tried to fight his way out of Negan’s grip but he was always able to hold him back. Negan gave him instructions and ordered him around. He told him how to stand, what movements to watch for and how to respond. 

It became routine. When they'd finish they’d both be covered in bruises and scratches, wincing their way to the quarry to wash the sweat from their bodies. Carl was angry more than not. Every time they trained Negan always won. It didn’t matter what he did. Which way he dove or how hard he hit, Negan always had him. 

He was cocky about it at first, which only spurred Carl on more. Day after day, they trained. Eventually a small crowd gathered daily. When they watched, Carl’s hands jittered with nerves. They were always in his head, T-Dog clapping, Shane cheering, “Atta boy!” whenever Carl could land a blow. Rick encouraged him from the side when he was there, while Lori scoffed that it was too rough and if either got hurt there were no more doctors to take care of them. 

Though, no matter the advice shouted from the sidelines, or how much he instructed him, Negan was always able to beat Carl. 

But he was no longer happy about it. 

The jabs came faster, harder, and Negan’s words grew more heated. 

“You’re not even fuckin’ trying, Carl!” He yelled through gritted teeth. 

Carl wiped the sweat from his brow, his bandage was probably disgusting but he refused to throw it aside. He circled closer. Looking around, more people were watching than when they first started. Rick wasn’t there which was only a small consolation. Carl hated how it had quickly become the daily entertainment of the camp.

Negan furrowed his brow and approached cautiously, “Forget about them. You’ll have more distractions when a walker is tryin’ to bite your ass. Now, _attack me!”_

Carl faked right then dove left to try to take Negan by surprise, but he dodged the attack easily.

“Come on! You always pick that side. I know your fuckin’ peripheral is shot to hell but don’t be so obvious! It’s too easy. Do something different for a fucking change. Surprise me!” He didn’t smile anymore. There was no teasing in this. Negan was serious and he was pissed as hell that Carl wasn’t measuring up. That he wasn’t good enough.

Carl ran at him again, this time instead of faking to the side, he went low, knocking Negan off his balance. 

Negan fell back hard but recovered quickly. Turning around fast, he pushed Carl off of him and pinned him to the ground. Baring teeth, he gritted out, “You’re fucking _better_ than this Carl. You _have_ to be better than this or you’re fuckin’ as good as dead out there!”

Panting hard beneath Negan, he snarled, “Get the hell off of me, Negan.”

“Make me,” it wasn’t a quip. He was serious. He was pinning Carl with all of his weight. “This is _why_ he chose you. You know that, right? He knew you were _weak._ ” 

Carl narrowed his eye, not understanding what Negan had said. 

“That first fucker that I killed for you,” Negan sneered with a hushed voice. “He picked you because he knew you’d be easy. Easy to fuck and easy to kill.” Negan pushed him farther into the ground, holding him down, making it difficult to breathe. It hurt. A stinging pain against his already aching body.

And the weight was too much. Negan was too heavy and Carl couldn’t get enough air. All he could remember was scrambling on that freezing cement floor almost a year ago, fighting away from his attacker. Knowing he’d be raped. _Knowing_ he’d be killed. Being touched so intimately next to bone saws, falling into the moment that he’d never escape.

“I bet you squirmed under him then _just_ like you are now. I bet your pathetic struggling got him so fucking hard, Carl. It gets _me_ hard.”

The cruel words coursed through his body. With gritted teeth he found the strength to move his arm back enough to punch Negan hard.

“Fuck!” Negan sat back quickly, holding his eye in pain.

Carl used the opening to push him off. Using his shoulder, he knocked Negan to the ground. Without thinking, he grabbed the knife on his belt, the one Negan had given to him, and held it at his throat as he straddled him, pinning him down in the dirt.

“That surprising enough for you?” He gritted through his teeth.

Negan coughed a laugh, “Fucking shit.” Blinking at Carl through a watering eye, _“That’s_ more like it, kid. It’s been too long since I’ve seen that fuckin’ badass I know you can be!”

Carl pushed the knife closer against his throat and leaned down, “You’re a fucking asshole, Negan.”

Negan smiled, and adjusted his hips suggestively beneath Carl, “You _love_ it.” 

Despite the audience, Carl could feel Negan’s cock growing firm beneath him, but it only disgusted him. Leaning in closer, he said, “Don’t fuckin’ bring _him_ up. Ever again.”

Negan lifted his head, pushing into the knife enough to draw blood, “If it gets you to take your head out of your ass and put me on mine, then he’s fair game.”

With the anger and panic he still felt coursing through his veins, Carl furrowed his brow and spat directly in Negan’s face. 

He stood quickly and walked away from Negan. He didn’t hear the cheering of the crowd. He didn’t feel the pats on his back from Shane or the questions about what Negan had said to him as he shouldered through the crowd to find anywhere he could be alone.

Negan wiped the spit from his face and stood. He looked as though he was going to follow after Carl.

“Better not, old man,” Shane held his hand to stop Negan from walking past.

“Fuck you, Shane,” Negan held his eyes on Carl as he left.

“Come on. I think I know what he needs. Give the kid some space.”

Negan leaned back, lookin over Shane now in his crosshairs, “ _You_ know what he needs? What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean? How the hell would _you_ know what he needs?”

“I’ve known that kid since he was first born. Practically raised him for a while. I think I know him better than you.”

Negan laughed outright, “You think Carl _respects_ you? You came over to his house to make his mama squeal while you were tryin’ to break up his parents marriage, and that makes you some kind of, what, fuckin’ teenager-whisperer? Is that how that works? Your dick’s so special, its got magical powers that can fuck through the veil of hormonal bullshit?” He mocked, _"Carl, I know you're angry but just let me just poke your mama’s guts with my huge alpha-male cock, sling some man-mayo her way, then we can have a nice little chat and solve all our problems!_ Is that how it went?”

Shane pushed into Negan, “You watch your fuckin’ mouth. You don’t talk about Lori that way.”

“You’re so fuckin’ pathetic. Everyone here sees how you can’t even lead this place because you’re too desperate tryin’ to get your dick wet. Poor Andrea is a pity fuck at this point. Just a substitute for someone who already dumped your ass. Why the hell do you think she never told you about Judith? You’re weak. She knew it back then and she knows it _now._ News Flash! She doesn’t want you. You think you could help her survive out here? Three walkers could tear this whole fucking thing down.”

“And who the fuck do you think you are? You’re no one. Just some asshole who rolled in off the street and decided to relive your glory days but the only one who’ll look up to you is a kid. You think Carl really gives a damn about you? Why the hell you spendin’ all your time with a kid anyway, Negan? Rick has been defending you, you know that? I wonder if he knows you’re tryin’ to fuck his teenage son. I see how you are with him, arm always over his shoulder. The way you grind into him when you’re training. It’s disgusting. And I’m not the only one who’s noticed, you sick bastard.” Shane pushed into Negan’s chest.

Negan laughed as he was forced back. With a wicked smile he asked, “You think I’m tryin’ to fuck, Carl?” Negan looked around at the crowd of people watching them. Rick and Lori were not among them. He found Glenn who lifted his hands defensively and shook his head, indicating he hadn’t told anyone what he knew. Negan leaned back, “Carl’s not exactly my type, if you know what I’m saying.” Licking his lip, he leaned forward, “Ever consider that maybe it’s _Lori_ I’m after? Maybe I had the _same_ goddamn plan you did, get in good with the kid, make sure he’s happy, then stick my prick in his mama’s hot, wet, cunt and-”

The impact from Shane’s punch threw him back, but Negan laughed through it. 

“The only way you’re ever gonna get Lori back is by force, you stupid fucking fuck,” he rubbed his cheek.

Shane ran at him, tackling him to the ground. But Negan was ready. Kneeing Shane in the stomach he was able to push him to the side and slip out from beneath him. As he was about to stand he felt the pull of his shirt, ripping open the collar as Shane pulled him back in. 

Negan huffed a dark laugh and punched him hard in the stomach.

Doubling over from the blow, Shane kicked wildly, knocking Negan to the ground again. He staggered as he climbed on top of Negan.

Heaving, Shane struggled to say, “Leave her the hell alone.” And threw another punch to Negan’s lip.

Groaning, Negan pulled himself up and headbutted Shane without thought. Both men groaned in pain as Negan pushed Shane to the side. 

“Fuck,” Negan sighed as he crawled toward Shane who was trying to put space between them. He punched him hard in the ribs.

“Hey!” Rick’s voice seemed distant.

Negan pulled his arm back quickly but before he could land one last blow, Rick grabbed him and forced him away from Shane.

Shane shook his head and got to his feet, ready to launch himself at Negan. 

Rick stood between them, “Stop it, Shane!”

Wiping blood from his lip, Negan stood on shaky legs. He laughed, “Oh shit! Dad caught us. Now we’re in trouble.”

“You know what that asshole said?” Shane tried to push through, but Rick held him back.

“Calm down, Shane. He says a lot of things.”

“No! You know what he’s doing?” 

“Fuckin’ you up mostly,” Negan winked, then winced as he touched a tender spot on his cheek.

“He’s tryin’ to sleep with Lori,” Shane’s eyes were wild. “He admitted it.”

“That what this is about?” Rick asked skeptically.

“You don’t believe me?” Shane grabbed at Rick’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. Wild and unhinged. “Ask anyone here. They all heard him.”

“I think Negan talks a lot of shit, Shane. You guys just need to cool off."

“Yeah, Shane. Go cool off,” Negan mocked.

“No! You should have heard what he was sayin’ about her, Rick. You can’t just let him get away with that!”

“What was I sayin’?” Negan asked. “Hell, Rick gets it. Ain’t exactly a secret. Lori’s a hot piece of ass and I can see why you’re goin’ hard trying to launch your little red rocket at her pussy-”

“Hey-” Rick protested.

Negan continued louder toward Shane, “But it ain’t gonna happen and _you_ know it, asshole. Why don’t you focus on somethin’ that matters, huh? We don’t have the luxury to fuck with this. Every single one of these people relies on you for guidance. They should be training night and day. Going on runs. Stocking up supplies. _And_ we should be finding a more secure location! What the hell are you doin’ but cryin’ about an old flame and chasing whatever direction your prick is pointing.” Negan narrowed his eyes, “And while we’re at it, cut the father figure bullshit. Carl sees through your fake ass too. Everyone here does.”

“Are you fighting over Carl or Lori?” Rick asked.

Negan furrowed his brow and walked closer to Rick. He spoke strongly but quietly, “He’s steppin’ in where he don’t belong. You _know_ what he did before. He’s tryin’ to pick back up where he left off. Suddenly he thinks he has a kid and he’s ready to play Daddy. Believe me or don’t, I don’t give a fuck about your sordid love triangle, but tell him to stay the fuck away from Carl. Weaslin’ in like he knows the kid. He doesn’t know _shit._ ”

Negan walked away from them and didn’t turn back.

* * *

Carl could hear the raised voices of Shane and Negan as he walked away. He didn’t care if Negan got his ass handed to him for a second time that day. He walked into the woods and didn’t turn back.

He kept going until the voices grew distance. He felt his chest rise as he inhaled deeply, holding his breath a moment before exhaling. As he sat on a log, he finally noticed all the ways his body ached where Negan had tackled and held him down. When he lifted his hand he could see it tremble from the adrenaline still pumping through his veins. It wasn’t often that Carl let his mind go back to that place.  
  
Mike or John or whatever the hell his real name was, Carl wanted to forget him. Forget the whole fucking thing. 

But when he thought about that night he felt a terrible numbness.

Negan had been the one to protect him, both from the man and from the aftermath. And it wrenched Carl’s fucking soul to know that now Negan was using it against him. 

He ignored the tear that escaped as he stared into the woods. The birds sang, ignorant to the brutality that humanity had become. Nature continued as it always had, no matter what his own problems were. 

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting, staring at nothing, willing his brain to remain quiet when he heard the soft footsteps from behind him.

“I fucked up, alright?” Negan’s voice was soft, but Carl didn’t turn. “Look, I was just tryin’ to light a fire under your ass, okay? I _knew_ you could do it, Carl. I knew it! I just wanted _you_ to know it too.” He sighed, Carl still didn’t turn. “I’m sorry, alright? I shouldn’t have brought him up. I crossed a line. As fucked up as things are between us, it’s funny to think we even have one, but I did, I crossed it. So, if you need to punch me some more, or yell at me, whatever the hell it is you need to do, I’m yours.”

Carl scoffed but otherwise didn’t respond.

“Carl, come on,” Negan begged. 

“Sometimes I really fuckin’ hate you, you know that?” Carl sighed quietly.

“What do you want me to do, Carl? You want me to tell you it was for your own fuckin’ good? You _know_ that. Look, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings but if it gets you to fight like I _know_ you’re capable of, then fuck it. I’ll sleep better knowing you’re alive and hatin’ me rather than fuckin’ dead because I was too easy on you.” 

Carl stood abruptly and turned, “Who the hell is dead here, Negan, huh? I’ve gotten out of every attack by myself, walker or man, and I’m doin’ fine at it.” He furrowed his brow, now noticing the state Negan was in. His hair was messed and he had dirt and blood and grime over his exposed skin. “That wasn’t all from me,” Carl noticed out loud. The blood smeared on his face reminded Carl of the men they’d killed and a reddened eye that would soon bruise looked painful. Negan’s shirt collar was torn, exposing his chest and Carl had to chastise himself for thinking about how much he liked seeing Negan covered in bruises and blood. “Did you at least win that fight?” Carl asked.

“Shane’s a worse fuckin’ dick than your dad. I actually really like Rick. Don’t tell him I said that by the way, it would ruin the whole antagonistic rapport we got goin’ on. But Shane? Shane’s a fuckin’ worthless rat fuck.”

“What’d he do?”

Negan tilted his head, sheepishly looking up, finally making Carl breaking into a smile. He knew whatever he was going to say was embarrassing even for Negan. 

“Well, for starters he thinks I’m tryin’ to fuck you, which he announced to everyone. So, that rumor is officially out there.”

Carl smiled wider, “We’re not exactly keeping it under wraps.”

“I know that. Fuckin’ blind asshole thinks he’s got some great revelation that he’s gonna share with the masses.” Negan lifted his hand apologetically, “No offense about the ‘blind asshole’ part.”

Carl rolled his eye and stepped closer, “So what _was_ it about?”

“He was just butting in where he doesn’t belong.”

“About me then?” Carl asked knowingly with a cocky grin.

 _“And_ your mom. I told him I was gonna try to fuck her just to piss him off. You know he’s still tryin’ to lay down the meat stick on her. I mean, really I just wanted to punch the stupid shithead in the fuckin’ face. Mission fuckin’ accomplished, _by the way_. Now your dad’s coolin’ him down. He should be pummeling into him too. Don’t know why he’s trying to ease things over with the man who tore his family apart.”

“So we don’t get kicked out, asshole.”

Negan laughed and took a step closer to Carl. He lifted his hand and gently ran a finger through Carl’s hair, “We don’t need him.”

“Where would we go, Negan?” Carl sighed heavily. The weight of this life was too much and while Negan made things interesting, he made it more challenging. Carl didn’t know how much more he had left in him.

“What’s at the top of your list of places to go?” His hand traced Carl’s bandage lightly.

“There’s an old factory. A school,” he shivered and closed his eye, relishing the delicate way Negan was touching him. “And a prison.”

“What’s your favorite?” Negan’s hand wandered to the back of his head. He guided Carl toward him.

Before they could kiss, Carl pushed him away, “Stop.” 

Negan smiled wide, “Come on, Carl! It’s been forever. All the grinding we've been doin' all over each other? All I’ve been thinking about was the next time I could get you wrapped around my dick. And here we are. Out in the middle of fucking nowhere.”

“What, Andrea’s not putting out?” 

“I’m not fucking _her_ ,” he sighed. “You can ask me whenever you want and I’ll tell you the truth. You might not always like the answer, but I’m not gonna lie to you, Carl. Not _you,_ alright? Not after the shit we’ve been through.”

Carl swallowed back the lump in his throat and willed the burning sting in his eye to retreat. He wasn’t going to cry over Negan but he had to know, “Who else, then?”

Negan closed his eyes and shook his head, “I don’t like saying this, okay? I don’t like admitting it. It’s not like I get off on this jealous bitch act of yours.” He smirked, “Well, maybe a _little."_

His heart pounded. Maybe he didn’t want to know. He’d made peace with it after the walkers in the pharmacy. He didn’t even know why he was bringing it up again. It wasn’t even the other women necessarily, but the feeling of not being good enough. Like Negan couldn’t just be happy with him.

But he had to know.  
  
“Well?” Carl asked impatiently. His hand was scratching at the holster of his gun. A small comfort.

Negan looked him in the eye, not pulling his glare. “Since you and I first fucked, there hasn’t been a single other goddamn person I’ve been with, alright? But I’m not holding myself back. I told you that. I don’t want you to either.” He licked his lips nervously, “I flirt. Maybe that flirting goes a little too far. I’ve seen my share of titties at Ye Olde Wateringhole, but nothin’ more than that. I’m not sayin’ that’s how it’ll always be.” He shook his head in frustration, finally getting upset, “Look _I_ didn’t want a _commitment,_ Carl! I’m a husband to _one_ person only, and _she’s_ in the ground. That’s all I can give you. You _always_ knew what this was and I told you from the start this was a bad idea!”

Carl noticed how Negan shook, small trembles in his hands. Normally so confident, yet this conversation derailed him. Carl felt more confident that Negan’s apprehension was for an entirely different reason. _“Why_ haven’t you?” he asked, but as the words left his lips he finally understood the answer.

Negan laughed and crowded into him, “Don’t ask me that. You know. You fuckin’ _know,_ Carl. And fuck you for pretending you don’t.”

He could smell the blood and sweat on Negan as he pushed Carl against a tree but Carl went willingly. Trying to provoke him, Carl could see it now. The reason Negan hated talking about it was because it was all too close to Lucille. Negan admitted to loving him, but Carl hadn’t considered the depths of the meaning. Carl might be the only other person besides his wife that Negan had ever loved and he didn’t know what to do about it. It scared him.

So, Carl let him off the hook.

“Fight me,” he said suddenly. Quietly. They were good at that, the physical. If Carl couldn’t tell him he finally got it, he could at least show him.

Negan didn’t question it. He attacked, pushing hard into Carl. Heaving his chest, struggling to hold his grasp on him as Carl twisted and pulled. He was ready, now. Quick enough to slip his foot next to Negan’s. In a swift sweep, he knocked him off his balance and guided Negan down to the ground. Carl straddled him over his stomach and pinned his arms over his head.

“Two times in one day,” Carl said proudly, breathing heavily over the top of him.

“Shane wore me out,” Negan admitted. “I can get out of this, by the way. I’m just kind of enjoying the view.” He thrust his hips slightly and Carl knew he was hard.

“What is it with you getting turned on by getting the shit kicked out of you?”

“Think it’s less the pain and more the kid sitting so close to my dick.” 

“Stay,” Carl said, removing his hands from Negan’s arms.

“You gonna find a way to make me? Maybe step out of those jeans and sit on my dick? Think I’d stay put real nice if you did that,” he smiled wide.

Carl’s hand rubbed over the holster of his gun. With intention, he removed the weapon.

“Is that supposed to scare me?” Negan asked with mirth in his hushed voice.

The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile as he held his arm steady, aiming the gun directly between Negan’s eyes. “It should,” he said simply.

“What if I trust you enough to know it’s not loaded?”

Carl huffed a laugh, “We both know _that’s_ bullshit. Of course it’s loaded.” 

“Safety on?”

Dropping his arm, he conceded. “Safety is on.” Within a blink he disengaged it and returned the gun to Negan’s head. 

“Shit, does that get you off?”

“Not bad,” Carl admitted. He pushed his ass down, feeling how hard Negan was beneath him.

“You gonna contemplate this all night or you gonna get my cock out and bounce that perky ass on it?”

Carl tilted his head, “If only we had some rope I could tie you up. You definitely need a gag. I get sick of listening to you talk.”

Holding the gun with one hand, with the other he unzipped his jeans. Moving, kneeling closer to Negan’s head, he held the cold metal of the tip of the barrel against his forehead. “Guess I’ll find a different way to shut you the hell up.”

“Good luck,” Negan laughed.

His finger threatened to massage the trigger as his free hand dug past the fabric of his underwear to pull out his hard cock. 

Carl moved forward, sliding the gun to Negan’s temple as he traced his lips with the tip of his prick. Beading precome left a trail across his bottom lip, mixing with the blood and spit still shining wet from the punch. Carl licked his own lips in anticipation. His cock throbbed in his hand at the sight of Negan splayed before him, shirt torn and so much blood, red and dried black from a cut on his cheek. Bruised and dirty with a gun to his head and Carl's dick at his mouth. 

Just as he should be.

Negan’s tongue slipped past to lick the tip of Carl’s prick, making him shiver and close his eye.

“You gonna force me to blow your brains out while you threaten to blow _my_ brains out?”

“Shut up,” Carl laughed softly as he thrusted forward, finally silencing the man. 

Carl sighed as he felt the tight heat wrap around him. He almost dropped the gun, at the sight of Negan’s lips around him. The blood he left on the length of his cock when pulled out of his mouth, enough for Negan to lift his head, suckling slowly around the tip of his prick, made Carl weak.

Negan started to move his hands and Carl pushed the gun harder against his skull, “Don’t even think about it.”

Negan moaned in protest around the length of him but his hands returned over his head. He moved his hips slighting, searching for pressure against his cock. Carl smiled moving even farther away, pushing into his mouth, positioning himself to better lean over his head.

Ignoring Negan’s whimpers of frustration, Carl thrusted in again. Pulling out, pushing in, fucking into the wet heat past his lips. Slowly. Relishing the feel of them wrapped tight around him.

Carl’s finger twitched next to the trigger. So close to ending his life if he chose, but Negan trusted him. The power he had over him made his heart feel heavy. Negan would let Carl to do whatever the hell he wanted to him. He’d always gotten what he wanted in the end. Sometimes Negan just played hard to get. And Carl realized it now. Though Negan would never admit it to him, he _was_ Carl’s.

Dropping the gun, Carl ran his hands through Negan’s hair, scratching at his scalp, enjoying the way Negan moaned around his cock at the massage. Then without warning, he fisted a handful of hair, pulling it as he began to fuck harder with purpose, using him how he wanted.

This time when he saw Negan lift his arms, he let him. And Negan used them to pull Carl closer, holding him against his mouth. Sucking and bobbing his head, looking up at Carl like this was his only purpose. 

Carl’s eye fluttered and he fought to keep it open as his thrusts became erratic. The hunger he saw in Negan’s eyes had Carl spilling over his tongue too soon. 

His hands became limp and he was breathless as he released Negan’s hair. 

Negan teased him with his tongue one last time before lying his head back on the ground, panting with a smile.

“Guess that’s one way to keep you quiet,” Carl teased softly, reluctantly backing away from his mouth.

Negan chuckled as Carl stood and tucked himself back in. Tilting his head, he smiled at the sight of Negan on the ground, bloody and bruised. His clothing torn and the outline of his hard dick behind the zipper of his jeans. 

He was perfect.

Carl smirked. He picked up his gun and returned it to the holster. He took another appreciative glance at Negan, then turned and walked away, leaving him behind on the ground.

“Carl!” Negan called desperately after him.  
  
He stopped. Feeling generous, he turned back and replied, “Thought beating your ass meant that I had a willing sex slave? Guess that means you’re on your own now.” 

With a smile, he walked back to camp alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be replying to comments as soon as I can! I can't believe some of the incredibly nice things some of you have left for me and, especially now, it's even more appreciated than before! <3 I hope you all are staying safe! 
> 
> As always, I'm on tumblr (and can usually manage to reply much faster there!).
> 
> http://candle-jill.tumblr.com/


End file.
